I was mislead into thinking the grass was greener - naive and stupid

Reply Mon 30 May, 2016 01:30 pm
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years, a few months ago things were not good. For a while I felt very neglected; he would go out all the time, I felt his friends were prioritsed over me, I couldn't talk to him properly and it was very difficult. A college at work was persistent for my number and to talk to me but at first I said no. He would leave me gifts as a gesture and leave sweet messages. We got talking and we had a lot in common and I expressed my sadness about the current situation with my boyfriend. I felt as if he was being a genuinely good friend. We went for a drink and it was very platonic. We would have phone calls about general things and I felt I could really trust him as he was very kind and there was common ground. I then decided I didn't want this anymore and I wanted to sort it for good so he asked me to go to his to end whatever it was. He kissed me and I pushed him away. I feel completely repulsed and repelled by him and I feel stupid and naive to have been drawn into him - he insisted he wanted to be friends but he never wanted me as just a "friend". This situation has made me realise I actually love my boyfriend despite our problems. I have been honest about everything but yet I am still racked with guilt - I have been having panic attacks, horrible thoughts, I haven't been able to eat or sleep. I don't understand how my boyfriend could have forgiven me, I feel like I don't deserve him. I have asked if he wanted to break up but he said he didn't. I love him to pieces but I feel like he is worth so much more than me. I have never done anything this bad in my life and I don't quite know if I can cope.
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Reply Mon 30 May, 2016 02:19 pm
Give yourself permission to have screwed up to what is, actually, a rather minor degree.

You were taken in, you stopped it quickly, and your reaction was anything but reception. The other guy tried to take advantage of your vulnerability. That's not being a friend. That's an attempt to use you.

You are okay - don't sweat it.

Now, what about the future? Maybe try confiding in a therapist instead of a 'pal' who's got an agenda. Not that therapists never, ever do, but we have laws against them taking advantage of their patients.

Also, talk to your boyfriend. Sit down with him.

I'm concerned. I want us to continue. Let's work things out.

And see what happens.
Reply Mon 30 May, 2016 02:48 pm
Thank you so much for your reply! I will definitely check in with some counselling or a therapist as I'm struggling to deal with this, and I will take your advice on board!
I still work with this college however I am leaving in a few months or so - what do you recommended? I have stated that I do not want anything to do with him and he got quite threatening.
Reply Mon 30 May, 2016 02:55 pm
If you feel unsafe at work, get HR involved. Life does not have to be like that.

What a jerk (him, not you of course)!
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