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Should he be helping her out already?

 
 
Reply Fri 13 Aug, 2021 06:48 am
I listen to a syndicated morning radio show and every day they read a letter and give the letter writer advice. This morning's letter was from a 32 year old woman with a 16 year old daughter. The woman and her daughter live with her 82 year old father because he helps them out. The woman has been dating a guy for 4 years and the guy has been wanting to woman to move in with him. She wants to know if she should move in with him because her bf has told her that if she and her daughter moves in with him he doesn't want the father to come visit because the dad has always been mean and harsh towards him. The guy has told the girl that if she moves in with him he would help her out financially and help her pay off some of her bills. The radio host said that this girl should dump the guy because if he's been her man for 4 years then he should have been already helping her out financially. This particular radio host feels that men should do 3 P's when it comes to a woman. Protect, provide, and profess.

I'm of the mindset that if we're not living together then I really have no "obligation" to help you out financially. I'm not of the mindset to just give a woman money to go get her hair and nails done or anything like that, especially if we're not living together. Women work and if they want their hair and nails done they can pay for it. Do women give their men money for haircuts and things like that? Probably not. But in this situation do you feel that this guy should already be helping this girl out financially or does he have a point. We may be dating but if we're not living together then you cover your own bills. Granted, this woman didn't sy anything in her letter about how he should be doing these things, the radio host did. Is he right? Should the guy already be helping this woman out financially with some of her smaller bills even though they do not live together?
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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 256 • Replies: 5
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engineer
 
  1  
Reply Fri 13 Aug, 2021 06:55 am
@Pwebster,
Pwebster wrote:

The radio host said that this girl should dump the guy because if he's been her man for 4 years then he should have been already helping her out financially.

I've never heard of any obligation or expectation to help out the person you are dating financially when you aren't even living together or sharing expenses in any way.
Pwebster
 
  2  
Reply Fri 13 Aug, 2021 07:23 am
@engineer,
I agree with you as well. Living together is one thing but dating is a whole different ballgame. This particular radio host feels that a man should do everything within his power to make his woman's life easier. If she's lacking financially then he should go into his pocket and give her whatever he needs. My thing is this. My question is this. Where was the assumption that this guy has all this "extra" money lying around to just give to a girl he's not living with or sharing bills with? This woman is already living with her father in his home so it's probably safe to say that she's not paying rent and if she is I'm sure it's not that much. Flip the script. If this were a woman financially helping out a guy he'd be the scum of the earth but because it's a woman needing help then he should just dig in his pockets.
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Fri 13 Aug, 2021 08:23 am
How old are people in this scenario?

65 year old woman with adult (maybe special needs) daughter?
35 year old with 10 ear old?
25 with 6 month old

Some generations believe in the 3-P’s, but there is resistance from younger generation men who can’t figure out what and how they are expected to act around these younger, more independent women.

I’d be more concerned about his viewpoint on the ex husband. He may be an SOB, but he is the daughter’s dad and if they have a relationship, then he needs to accept whatever that is.

PS Any man who doesn’t treat his woman once in a while is a fool.
Pwebster
 
  1  
Reply Fri 13 Aug, 2021 08:59 am
@PUNKEY,
The letter writer is 32 and she has a 16 year old daughter. I don't think the letter writer mentioned how old her boyfriend was but they have been dating some 4 years. I would guess to say that he's around her age.

And even at any age I would still say that if we're not living together then do not expect me to give you money for your bills.
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Mame
 
  2  
Reply Fri 13 Aug, 2021 09:02 am
I would never expect anyone to pay my bills, including my husband. That's what I call a free-loader.
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