My Experiments ....recorded for future prospeherity.

<click>....testing, one two, one two........

Helllooooooo,............. Just lately, I have got into trying out science experiments, designed especially for the bored male.

Tonight, with the aid of my voice activated keyboard, I will attempt to assemble a self assembly cupboard thingy, whislt under the influence of alcohol.

I have already consumed four rather large malt whiskeries, and at this present ti-hime, feel no ill effects.
I will now consumate the fifth <glug glug> .......AAh!

For the porpoise of this experiment, I have in frohont of me, a hammer, a screwdriver, a tube of gloohoo, some small nails and a flat pack cupboard from Ikea. O, and a set of raharther complicated instructions.

The alcohol that I will consume is lined up before me, and will be imbibed at various hintervals. It consists of half a bottle of bour-*bon, a quart glass of strong lager, and a bottle of champers, with various cocktail chasers.

Right ho, here I go with the instructioners................<ahem>......

" Wilkommen mein Herr"

....wait a mo?.....bloody silly ass, I'm reading the french part...hold on.......time for a bourbon <clink...glug...burp>....here it is, lets see now.....

"lay piece A onto a flat surface"

....where the bloody hell is piece A?....I spose its this bit..OK, now what.......


"screw hinge (1) into hole (a) where marked"

...okaaaay...hang on a tick...where did I put the bally drewscriver? Buggered if I know....I'll use the hammer........ <bang bang bang BANG>........ that wont come out in a hurry......

"Make sure that hinge A is placed so that the flange is facing the top of the cupboard."

.... What? why the sodding hell didnt they tell me that in the first pla-hace?
I know, ...purp...if I put the door on upside endward it wont show and should neutraliiiise the effect. Cockatiel, methinks....ah yes, a screwdriver HAH! Very apt wot? <glug slurp >
Dont worry, I'm not as drink as you thunk I am........now, where * s the door?

<bang bang bang BANG>

"make sure that BOTH sides of the cupboard are in place, before attaching the door"

Oh, nooooooo. Wheresh my f*cking crowbar.....<C-C-C-R-E-E-A-A-K> ooopsy, thats really rogered it.

Lager, methinks....<glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug.... B-E-L-C-H> OOOO pardonnez moi .hAhAhA...PARP! OOps? Something warm has entered my pantial area! Quite ple-heasant actually.

"Take a protractor, and measure an angle of 45 degrees from the vertical"

WHAT THE?... Bloody protractor?......bugger this for a game of soldiers! Where's the champers <ugh ugh argh POP! > Sod it ....fizzed all over the show.......<swig swig swig........UUURCHHHAAA>

In Dublins fair City, where the girls have big tit....sorry, always sing when under the affluence.....
I first set my eyes on sweet Moholly Malone..............

I'll finerish the bugger in the morning...............

as she wheels her wheelbarrow...................<click>