Is this inappropriate touching or are we becoming paranoid?

Noddy sometimes he is very reasonable and sometimes nothing can change his mind. Usually if it is a stubborn thing - we end up arguing a bit about it with him getting upset. Then he will stew over for a day and many times turn around afterwards. I think he does realize he is unreasonable at times, but has difficulty controlling it.

Funny thing today we were discussing something else completely different and I said I don't know how I deal with you for so long (jokingly of course). He said it is a good thing I am so patient.

He knows - he just has difficulty coming to terms with some things.

Okay, all the girls seem to be going for it. Like Daddy, I would be just a wee bit wary. Alright, not wary - just alert.

I'll pipe up and say I don't know what I think. I might be alert too. Might not.

I dont see the harm either.

On an aside, btw:


I've had about four male hairdressers the past few years, and only one of 'em was gay. (Funny what you all end up talking about when getting a haircut... )

hunh - I don't think I've ever met an actual gay male hair stylist. Had lots of male stylists over the years. There is one colour tech - Kendall - who is waaaaaaaaay gay, but he's definitely the exception to the rule round here. Some day I'm going to ask Kendall for some makeup advice. He looks amazing for his age.

I agree with Bella that even a young child will know when the line of inappropriate behavior is crossed. You have to trust your daughters judgement in this case. I think you husband is over reacting. Actually, I wish my husband could learn to braid hair. I once had him try and do mine and it took me two hours to get the knots out.

Oh, interesting about hair stylists. I haven't been to salons super-often, but everytime I have, if it's a guy he's obviously gay. Not, like, metro, either.

Maybe it's an American thing? Another manifestation of gender roles -- as in a straight American male would be less likely to become a hairstylist because of the assumption that he's gay?

What do other Americans think? (Not to sidetrack, sorry.)

I had three male hair stylists in the past. The first one was heterosexual - married and did not seem even seem metro. Funny it is a family thing - his dad was a hair stylists and he was too.

The other two were openly gay. One even told me not to go to Key West as there are too many gays and I would not meet any straight men. Fortunately for my girlfriend and I it was full of navy men and special forces men. We had a great time.

Why Boomer should it be a trait for people who abus kids? He's 17!! I work with kids and guess what there are guys there too. 3 Great families with 7 lads between them all aged from 15 to 19 and all great with the kids.
Maybe you have a reason for saying that but it strikes me as the same kinda prejudice that stops gay men from coaching kids soccer teams - like homosexuality = paedophilia or something stupid.


I think shewolf has got the key thing there. I can see why your husband might freak out a bit Linkat but i reckon it's a product of an over-cautious society. If it was a girl he wouldn't have a problem with it

Working around kids is a common trait of pedophiles. People who are attracted to children seek out acceptable ways to be near them. By no means am I saying that all people who work with kids are pedophiles. I thought that I had made that clear. If I didn't, I hope my position is crystal clear now.

Pedophilia and homosexuality have nothing at all to do with one another.

My hair stylist is a man and he's not gay. One of my very good fiends was a stylist and he's not gay either but, according to him, "by the end of the day I'm gay because everyone expects me to be".

A pedophile will usually exhibit a series of personality characteristics that are common in this type of offender. It is important to understand that these characteristics alone do not conclusively determine that a person is a pedophile. But if these indicators, combined with a pattern of behavior that arouses suspicion, are present then there may be enough probable cause to believe that the person is a pedophile.

He carries on what can be termed "a special relationship" with a wife. Often pedophiles have failed marriages due to their sexual interests but remain in the marriage to mask their true intentions. Sadly, the wife sometimes knows about her husband's preference, but prefers to keep quiet to avoid social stigma and disgrace.

He displays a fascination or unusual interest in children. If an adult has an inordinate amount of interest in pre-pubescent children, it doesn't confirm he is a pedophile, but it should at least arouse suspicion.
He makes frequent references to children in exalted or exaggerated terms such as "pure," "innocent," "God sent," "blissful" and other descriptive labels that seem inappropriate and excessive. Remember that a pedophile cannot help the way he behaves and therefore will inadvertently reveal aspects about himself during speech.

He has hobbies or interests that commonly belong in the realm of a child's world such as toy collecting, building models of cars or planes. His home or room is decorated in a child's theme. And often, that theme will reflect the age bracket of his preferred victim.

He is over 30 years of age, single and has few or no friends his own age. He may also have frequent and unexplained changes of residence. He may be unable or unwilling to discuss why he lost his last job. He may have a military discharge that he cannot explain and a past that he can not easily talk about.

He has systematic and prolonged access to children. Pedophiles, because of the wide age disparity between themselves and their victims, cannot just hang around children. The pedophile has to find a way to legitimize his contact with kids. He usually accomplishes this by obtaining employment in a field where he is forced to deal with children on a daily basis. Jobs like schoolteachers, bus drivers, camp counselors, photographers and sports coaching(14) serve their needs perfectly. They will always volunteer for activities in which they are left alone with children with no parental supervision (Lanning, p. 19).

http://www.crimelibrary.com/criminal_mind/psychology/pedophiles/7.html?sect=2

You know boomer I'm sure you're right - and not least cos that last post read like something you've copied off a textbook I'm also glad that you made the point that none of this confirms the guy is a paedophile - and sorry bout the misunderstanding earlier - i found enough to comment on on the first page that i didn't read the second... i've been gone for a couple of months and my patience in reading every post has deteriorated hehe

I'm just very wary of diagnosing something as complex as paedophilia. It's kinda like this poster I remember that advised parents of all the ways they could know that their kids were taking drugs - things like being very private about their room, refusing to talk, going out all the time... bit more complicated than that but at the end it pointed out in a rather friendly way that these were also all symptoms displayed by any normal teenager. I know from experience that it's not that simple - and that when they start doing drugs half the time you KNOW... but you take my point?

Let's say we have a man in a failed marriage, who adores kids, loves to play with those of his friends, works with kids, uses all those adjectives you listed above...
I know there's a very obvious line, but what's to say he's not just a guy with a wife who a) doesn't love him b) is gay c) doesn't want children.... but he is DESPERATE To have kids. It's not just women who get broody. With no way to have his own he's just as likely to try and work with tem and use all those kind of words

You are exactly right bekaboo. My husband said it was o-k if it was one of the girl counselors, but he feels it is inappropriate for a boy to be doing this.

I did confirm with my daughter that she is not alone with a counselor. Even when they go to the bathroom, the girl counselors typically make bathroom runs with small groups of girls-probably for the counselors safety (don't want any false claims of abuse) as the child's. Even in my daughter's school, it is posted in the entrance of the locker room that teachers are not allowed to bring girls into the locker with only one child.

Boomerang - it almost sounds like you are describing Michael Jackson!

It does sound like Michael Jackson!

A 19 year old boy was just arrested here for molesting a girl at the child care area of the gym he worked in.

They reviewed the security tapes from the time the kid started working there and discovered that there were a couple of other little girls he had molested.

One told. Two didn't.

Always better safe than sorry. It's good that your husband brought his concerns up to you, Linkat and that you had a chance to discuss them together and to discuss them with your daughter.

It sounds like her camp follows the better safe than sorry formula too by not letting counselors and campers wander off in pairs. Good for them.