Writing essays

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Hey folks I would like to explain a little about myself. I have just recently moved over to the states from Japan where I grew up. I was home schooled in most of the regular subjects of public school but am seriously lacking in the language arts dept. I am a friend of Craven who has introduced me to this web site. I am studying now to take the GED and I am having a hard time with the essay part. Below is a practise essay of mine. I would really appreciate it if some people could "correct" it. tks

Staying healthy and fit.

There are many ways in which I stay healthy. I like to eat right and get plenty of daily exercise. Trying not to worry is also part of my plan to stay healthy.

I will always try to eat the right types of food each day. Having three to four well balanced meals every day which include foods from the four main food groups helps to keep my body feeling refreshed and healthy. I also make it a point to drink plenty of water to avoid dehydration.

Before I begin the day I make sure to exercise at least ten to fifteen minutes, this helps the blood to start flowing to my muscles and loosens up my joints. I will start out with some stretching exercises and will work up to more strenuous exercises like pushups and situps. At first it was difficult to develop this habit but now it just seems natural.

Worry also has an effect on my health. Taking time daily to relax and ponder on some happy thoughts is a great remedy. I have also discovered that keeping things simple as much as possible has a very positive result both mentally and physically.

In summary there are many ways for people to stay healthy and fit but I choose to eat right. Exercise and not to worry.

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Re: Writing essays
I will do a quickie....

Blackrock wrote:

practise

Practice

Quote:

In summary there are many ways for people to stay healthy and fit but I choose to eat right. Exercise and not to worry.

In conclusion, there are many ways for people to stay healthy and fit but I choose to eat right, exercise and not to worry.

That essay would easily pass the GED by the way.

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Are you using spell check?

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I agree that it's already nice and clear, not a bunch of extra stuff, and mostly grammatically correct. A few more suggestions:

Quote:

I will always try to eat the right types of food each day.

You seem to be shifting tenses a bit -- I think you can leave out the "will". ("I always try to eat the right types of food each day.")

Quote:

Having three to four well balanced meals every day which include foods from the four main food groups helps to keep my body feeling refreshed and healthy.

"Having three to four well-balanced meals every day, including foods from each of the four main food groups, helps keep my body feeling refreshed and healthy."

Quote:

I also make it a point to drink plenty of water to avoid dehydration.

Before I begin the day I make sure to exercise at least ten to fifteen minutes, this helps the blood to start flowing to my muscles and loosens up my joints.

"Before I begin the day I make sure to exercise at least ten to fifteen minutes. This helps the blood to start flowing to my muscles, and loosens up my joints."

Quote:

I will start out with some stretching exercises and will work up to more strenuous exercises like pushups and situps. At first it was difficult to develop this habit but now it just seems natural.

Same idea about not needing "will":

"I begin with some stretching exercises, and work up to more strenuous exercises like pushups and sit ups. At first it was difficult to develop this habit, but now it just seems natural."

Quote:

Worry also has an effect on my health. Taking time daily to relax and ponder on some happy thoughts is a great remedy.

"Worry also has an effect on my health. Taking time daily to relax and meditate on some happy thoughts is a great remedy."

or

"Worry also has an effect on my health. Taking time daily to relax and ponder some happy thoughts is a great remedy."

The "ponder some happy thoughts" part is a bit awkward, but not too bad.

Craven got the last part. ("not to worry" is also a little awkward, but I couldn't think of anything better that went with the simplicity of your word choices in the rest of the essay -- and I like simplicity!)

Oh, and welcome to A2K!

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sozobe wrote:

"Having three to four well-balanced meals every day, including foods from each of the four main food groups, helps keep my body feeling refreshed and healthy."

I was going to point this out but left it because I don't think this is the caliber of mistake that will fail you in the GED test.

However to explain, two-word adjective are often hyphenated.

So if you use two words to describe something, think about whether it should be hypenated.

e.g.

two-car garage

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Thanks for your replys guys. Those are some very useful tips....peace

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Re: Writing essays
Hi, Blackrock. Welcome to A2K. I have no experience with the GED, but I will take Craven's word that this essay will pass easily. You obviously grasp the essentials (thesis, supporting paragraphs, and summary) but on a more critical level, there's some "padding" in the thesis paragraph that only serves to make the paragraph consist of three sentences rather than one. (Not everyone will be impressed by this.)

Blackrock wrote:

There are many ways in which I stay healthy. I like to eat right and get plenty of daily exercise. Trying not to worry is also part of my plan to stay healthy.

If you were to strip this paragraph of redundant phrases it should read something like this:

To stay healthy, I eat right, get plenty of daily exercise, and avoid worry.

There is no way of around this other than to expand your thesis. If you consider why you focus on three areas to keep yourself healthy, you could easily turn this into a more ambitious thesis:
To stay healthy, I eat right, get plenty of daily exercise, and avoid stress. Alone, none of these disciplines can keep me healthy. Together they can, however, because each one has a different benefit to my health and because each depends on the other to be more effective.

This wasn't necessarily well written, but I hope you get the idea. From this thesis, you could add to your supporting paragraphs, for example, that eating well makes it possible to exercise harder, that exercise helps to reduce stress and that reduced stress aids digestion.

Check the rest of the essay for phrases that repeat themselves or don't add anything.

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Yeah you make a good point Valpower.
The last paragraph could use some work.

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You are from Japan, so I have a question.
What's the name of the man used 毘 as his flat in your history?
thanks in advance. I am interested in your traditional culture, especially the history from 1541-1615.

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