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Is It Appropriate To End A Friendship?

 
 
Reply Mon 24 May, 2021 01:31 am
Hello,

I have a friend who I've known for two years now.

I am a young guy, mid twenties and he is in his sixty's. While him and I get along well and I enjoy the time I spend with him, during the past few months I have felt uncomfortable around him.

On occasion he will make sexual comments about things or about me. They are not vulgar but make me very uncomfortable and it makes me feel like I cannot trust the man anymore. He has never done anything more than that so there is nothing I can fault him for but I sometimes walk away from our visits with no peace of mind for a few days after.

I want to know what other people think on this matter; is it rash for me to end a few years of friendship for this? I'd be happy to answer any other question on the matter.

Thank you.
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oralloy
 
  1  
Reply Mon 24 May, 2021 03:31 am
Well technically you have the right to terminate any relationship that you want to.

But it might be rash if he actually does mean nothing by it.

On the other hand, if he is developing romantic feelings towards you and you don't feel the same way, that's likely to end the friendship no matter what.


Maybe talk to him and tell him that you don't feel comfortable with him making sexual comments about you.

I can guess that that will be an awkward topic that will be difficult to bring up. But it might be the least-bad solution.

That way if it's just an ordinary friendship and he didn't realize that he was making you uncomfortable, that course correction will save the friendship.

And if he is developing romantic feelings that there is no way that you'll ever reciprocate, it's better if he learns that it's not going to happen sooner rather than later.

If you end up breaking his heart though, try to be compassionate about it.
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jespah
 
  2  
Reply Mon 24 May, 2021 05:05 am
@RealDeal20,
He may be testing the waters for a relationship.

You have every right to tell him to cut it out. No long, drawn out explanations. Just, "I don't like it when you..... Please stop. "

A friend will stop without drama if you ask them to. If he doesn't, then you've got your answer.
RealDeal20
 
  1  
Reply Mon 24 May, 2021 02:13 pm
@jespah,
Thanks for your reply.

The reason I've hesitated with this course of action is because the comments he makes are very sporadic. Sometimes he wont make a comment for a few visits then it'll come out of no where. Also, it's made to be a joke on his end but his fascination with the topic makes it clear to me that there is something else there and it taints the whole relationship for me. It's a very difficult topic to approach.

I was considering seeing him less, waning his presence from my life but not cutting him out from it. Maybe I am being sensitive about it but I can't lie about it making me uncomfortable and it'll always cause me to feel some amount of mistrust from now on, even if he stopped.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Thu 27 May, 2021 01:11 pm
@RealDeal20,
Telling him to stop will be good practice for your future in letting someone know you're not interested.
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