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Mon 18 Jul, 2005 06:09 pm
Background: An old girl friend of mine broke up with me almost a year ago on the terms that we would still be friends. We continued to talk on the phone a lot and were still very close, but at some point she stopped picking up her phone, responding to me online, etc. I kept calling for a while, probably should have stopped when it was obvious she just wasn't picking up, but I didn't understand why she wasn't, although I admit there might have been something I missed. She started saying things about me to other people that were less than complimentary. Contorted situations that had occured while we were going out - a lot of stuff that was obviously false to everyone who heard her. She even went to the expedient of convincing another old girl friend of mine to not talk to me for about a month (she finally started talking to me again and admitted that she had no reason.... she's always been a little strange.... love her though....)
Anyway, the current situation is that we've been running into each other in person once in a while lately, since she's starting going out with another friend of mine, and she has been extremely friendly. I find it hard to believe that she is being fake. But she has still continued to not respond to me when we talk online and say things about me to other people. I am almost certain that she is genuinely glad to see and talk to me, but the other stuff doesn't make any sense with that. So my question is, is this common, or does anyone get it? The only thing that I can think of is that she likes me as a friend but I have to be "wrong" or a bad guy in order for us to not be going out. The breakup was a really strange situation and I still don't get what happened... As I said, we kept talking afterwards and seemed almost closer than before...The breakup was one of those situations where she said she was busy everytime I asked her if she wanted to do something about a month before we broke up, so we barely ever saw each other, and when we happened to run into each when a mutual friend invited us both, she essentially ignored me. Anyway, she said she was confused and needed space... although we had barely seen each other for a month. She immediately started chasing an old boy friend of hers... hm..
This is probably not an adequate explanation, but I thought I'd throw it out there. I'm fine with not going out with her, but I really do care about her and would like to be friends. I have no idea why she would be angry at me (when we're not around each other in person at least.) For reference, I'm 16 and she's 17, but age isn't exactly a standard guide for maturity...
I noticed that there are a few things that weren't clear: there was a period of about 6 months in between when she stopped talking to me on the phone and when we saw each other in person when she was with her new boy friend/my friend. During this time I tried im'ing her occasionally and telling her I was sorry if I had done anything that made her upset, and that I just cared about her and wanted us to be friends. She never responded when I did that.
It was my old girl friend that admitted to me that she had had no reason to stop talking to me for that month, not the current one I have the problem with.
I wish I had some advice for you; however, I'm just here to say that I've totally been there. I know exactly what you're going through. You're a mature, thoughtful individual, as I was at your age. In my case, she loved, admired, and respected me but didn't view me in a romantic light. I thought it might be because I tended to take myself and life in general a little too seriously, but she never mentioned that as the specific reason; perhaps she didn't want to hurt my feelings.
Whatever the case may be, DON'T preoccupy yourself with mind-reading. You'll go nuts and never get over this girl. On the bright side, you're both young and it will me some time before she is in a wholly committed relationship. Remember, though; you may have strong feelings for her, but be open to the possibility of someone else being in your life, too. There's a lot of fish in the sea, and as you get older, your world only gets bigger and bigger.
-m
That sounds right. When she broke up with me she said that I could still call, that this was "subject to change" (I'm not kidding), and told me that she would definitely take me to a baseball game next summer. Obviously, this could not have done anything but absolutely baffle me lol. Your description sounds right. I've actually thought that it's not really possible for us to "just" be friends, because whenever we talk to each other we're almost too close for that. Perhaps, then, the only alternative is for her to "force" herself, so to speak, to keep her distance. I've been looking for other people. Not closed to that at all. But still care about people in the past.
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