Young and need some guidance in struggling times...

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As I sit in the confines of my room, before the midnight sky and within the exposure of deep silence, of which is my solitude and my hell, thoughts progress and evolve indefinitely. In this silence, I am able to feel alive, even though my emotions are overwhelmed with pain and sorrow, but at the same time wanting this instance to end, as no longer do I want to withstand this rapture that both keeps me alive, and at the same time destroys me inside.

I feel alone in the world. Loneliness is my only companionship.

I know this feeling is a commonality for all of those who go through broken relationships and hard times. I know my feelings are nothing unique to any other, and the only resolve is to allocate time, as it is the healer of most wounds, if not all. Yet, at the same time it's hard to accept the fact, as my mind continues to deny. It contradicts all notions, and explains that this instance is unique, and the pain can't and won't subside with time. This evolution of thought hinders my progression on towards prosperity and a better day. How can I change this entity of thought?

I often come to the conclusion that I am young, and my naivety has got the best of me. These times are tangible, only to have thoughts of my previous states overwhelm this rather logical rationale in most people's opinion. Where do I draw my reason to alternatively make the feelings of my previous state a tangible one, and this current state a permanent one?

These past few months have been the hardest of my life. With the critical state of my grandfather, the break up I am experiencing with this girl whom I've been with for three years, the chaos of family responsibilities, and lastly, the denial of post secondary education due to a minor mishap, due largely in part to my attitude towards the situation. It's hard to cope as suddenly all of this has come to actualization at once and I'm wondering if there is someone out there who has experienced this sort of pain and suffering, and can give me some proper guidance so I can move towards the road of recovery. I have chosen to use this forum as an outlet because I know the awesome intellectual capabilities of many individuals on here, of which I believe are the only ones who only can comprehend the state of my mentality. I must admit, a great ignorance of mine is that I truly believe I am of a different type, which allows me to feel more intensely, which leads to my conclusion that I'm terribly misunderstood. Maybe my ego has got the best of me, thus leading me to my demise which is where we are now.

All in all, I would like to hear responses, as I do want to get better, but I need guidance to reach there.

Thank you so much,
Borealis

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Borealis--

Welcome to A2K.

You seem torn between pain and philosophical reflections on pain.

Are you using philosophical reflections as a way to distance yourself from what you feel? This would not be facing pain and growing from it, but hiding pain.

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Borealis, sounds like you need to get laid.

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Noddy, thank you and no, I'm not using philosophical reflections as a vice to distance myself from what I feel. If anything, I'm using it as a reference to furthur explain.

gustavratzenhofer, thanks but that's the least of my worries. I don't think that will alleviate anything that I'm feeling.

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Very well written post Borealis.
Don't mind gustav, he's our party animal at a2k - brilliant
but refuses to be serious.

Even though you think you're different and suffer more intensely from this break up, I can assure you that every
relationship that comes to an end has its fair share of
suffering to endure by the parties involved, even the one
who is doing the break up won't be spared.

I'd suggest you take one day at a time and try to do things
that please you. It doesn't have to be something extraordinary,
whatever makes you feel good will do, and
if you just lie in bed every morning and think about an
event that made you feel special and loved, it will give
you pleasant thoughts for the day.

As much as it is a cliche, but time does heal wounds,
and you just have to be patient and take it in little steps.

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Focus
Borealis:

The ultimate mission or purpose that flows from youth is to learn. And, experience is the best teacher. Even though ALL of us can tell you (from our own experiences from which we learned) that time heals all wounds, you won't truly understand until you go through the healing process all on your own.

You are going through what EVERYONE has gone through at one time or another--the illness of a close family member; the overwhelming feeling of responsibilities; the break-up of a relationship; and the loss of an opportunity.

Eventually, you come to understand that declining health, illness, and death are all a part of the life process. No one can escape death. It might be difficult for YOU because your grandfather might be going through a "critical state," but you cannot change the inevitable. You are learning your coping skills and developing empathy and compassion. The key is not to lament the inevitable, but to embrace what good moments you will have with your grandfather in the present and to offer him your "labor of love" to make things more pleasant or comfortable for him whenever possible.

Even though your relationship of three years has ended, when one door closes--another opens. The lessons you will learn in your relationships will help you in the future (if you're willing to heed the lessons and grow as a human being). You will probably go through series of boyfriend/girlfriend relationships before you finally find the person who is the best fit for you. Everything you have learned from your past relationships will give you the tools, knowledge, and insight that is necessary to form a successful, happy relationship.

Perhaps you messed up your present opportunity to go to college; but the doors to a college education are not locked. The only things that would prevent you from getting an education would be your own lack of will and tenacity. If you truly want an education, you will find a way to get it. You need to muster the determination to endeavor and achieve worthy goals. But it isn't necessarily achieving the goal that's so important--it's the journey (the life that happens--and even the obstacles that you overcome) along the way that you might find to be the most fullfilling.

Life is not a melodrama unless you love drama. Take care, young person, and get busy living (and learning) rather than lamenting. Smile

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Uncertainty hurts.

Uncertainity is part of the human condition.

Channel uncertainity and pain into progress.

This too shall pass.

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CalamityJane, thank you so much for your reply. The advice and reassurance you give will be forever indelible in the deepest parts of my heart. I will be sure to take one day at a time, and lie in bed every morning thinking of a event that made me feel special and loved

Debra_Law, everything you wrote touched me on such a level where I was able to restore my hope for the future. I trust in that time will heal these wounds, as negative circumstances cannot be sustained forever. But of course I won't know definately until I experience this first hand - and I will.

Noddy24, thank you for your wise words on uncertainty and pain, and its interrelationship between progress. I shall heed these words carefully.

Thank you all once again for all you've done, as it has truly strengthen my resolve.

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Young and need some guidance in struggling times...

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