Sexually Confused

Fri 29 Jan, 2021 09:47 am
Hello! Most of my life I thought I was straight. However, during my first serious relationship in college (with a girl) I started to feel that I might be attracted to men (perhaps even more so than women). Things like getting aroused / stirrings when a good looking guy would sit next to me, or if I noticed someone cute walking around on campus. That never really happened to me with women - I noticed cute girls and enjoyed looking, but it never made me feel horny really. Only close contact did that.

When my gf and I eventually broke up, I decided that this would be a good time to explore that side of me, so I got on a dating app and tried hooking up with a couple guys. However, both of my experiences with guys were honestly not that great. I didn't get it up and even just kissing didn't feel all that great to me. Additionally, I don't really love gay porn. I can get hard to it, but I have a real trouble actually getting off (takes a looong time). As opposed to straight / lesbian porn which can take me < 5 minutes if I want to be quick.

My concern is that I am repressing my attraction to men. While I don't have anything against others being gay, the idea of being gay myself is honestly troubling to me. On the flip side, if I am mostly straight, then why do I have these thoughts / feelings about men more than women?

Any advice you can offer about what you think of the situation, what steps I should take, or even what type of therapist I should be talking too (I looked and it seems like a wide spectrum...) would be very helpful to me. Thanks.
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