I am stuck in a rut

You live at home, have one rather dismal friend and an exceedingly limited budget and attend a local college.

Are you a cyber student or do you actually have classes on a campus?What about the people in your classes? What about student activities?

If you think you're so shy that you're unbalanced, what about Student Counseling Services?

You have a summer to make things happen.

For starters, what do you want to happen? Prince Charming? Straight "A's"? Graduate school? You don't like your life now, but what do you want?

No, I'm not completely naive. I just want some friends and opportunities to break out of my shell.

Does your campus have a Student Activities Center?

Drop in and see what's available. Part of being a quasi-adult in college is that you have to take the initiative in finding activities.

What are your interests? Or what would would like to learn more about?

Do you talk to the others students in your classes?

Carly,

I feel as though I can identify with your situation. I'm not saying it's all about one thing, but I do know that sometimes when we have to worry in such an obsessive way about money, we feel greatly diminished in our capacity to do things such as make changes in our lives, be social, date, or even just care for ourselves. With many college students, they are not thinking about money (their parents are) and they can be free of many of the worries and troubles that face those students who have to manage their own financial affairs. Then, those of us in the minority group of college students who are soley responsible for their own finances see the other, more typical, college students and could experience feelings of being left out, depressed, worthless, or "in a rut;" I know I have experienced all of these feelings at one point or another.

Please do yourself a favor and fill out (if you haven't already) a Federal Application For Student Aid, fafsa for short, at the following url:

www.fafsa.ed.gov

This is a free government need-based aid program for college undergraduates. It takes into account your income, your parents' income, the cost of the institution you wish to attend, and offers a financial aid package which may include scholarships, grants, work-study, or student loans that will meet the cost of college. I attended an in-state university but lived on campus (so I didn't need a car) and was able to do that soley as a result of the financial aid package I recieved from the fafsa.

I graduated, worked for two years, and decided to return to school as a graduate student, which is where I'm at now. I wish I had some advice for you regarding the social aspects of your dilemma; I think we all have to go about that our own way, though. One of my majors in college was music; I was in large and small jazz groups, concert bands, orchestras, and at times I still felt so alone! I am gradually becoming more and more social as I learn to value myself for simply being a good person. When you're ready to be more social, it will help if the environment you're in is one that might give you a chance to find like-minded individuals (people with career goals similar to yours) so the grocerie store may not be the best place for that. Some other places to look might be on-campus jobs if you go that direction, or possibly even waiting tables; any place with young people near your age that are employed specifically to finance their education (there are places like this if you look for them...I can think of this Kinko's store near my parents' house).

I hope I haven't been condescending or pretentions-sounding. You seem like a smart girl who deserves a better life. Good luck.

-m

subtleone--

Welcome to A2K.

Carly--

Subtleone has offered you some excellent advice and some practical help.

I went to a large university in a large city and didn't know anyone when I started school. Because of housing limitations I was living off campus. One day I realized I can't be the only one having trouble meeting people, so I put up a sign in my department (Art History) asking if anyone was interested in going to museums on nights or weekends. Not as a date, just as people with similar interests. I got a number of replies and ended up meeting a woman who is still my best friend 20 years later.

You will have to go out of your way to meet people and accept the fact that not everything will work out. Nothing will happen if you do nothing.

If at all possible, get out of the home town, live on campus and start fresh. You are young and this is a great time of your life to experiment with who you are and who you really want to be.