Paaskynen, a lot of people come here via Google. So if they have a computer virus and want to get rid of it and Google "help me get rid of computer virus" and find a helpful thread here about it, they jump right in or join to ask their own question. If they are in love with a married man and don't know what to do about it they Google "I'm in love with a married man," find a thread here about it, and they jump right in or join to ask their own question.
<shrug>
Their perogative, and the purpose of the site.
Meanwhile, IWIK, you have received a lot of advice already. Perhaps you don't like it much and you're looking for more, different advice. I already told you about one study, here's another:
Quote:New love can look for all the world like mental illness, a blend of mania, dementia and obsession that cuts people off from friends and family and prompts out-of-character behavior - compulsive phone calling, serenades, yelling from rooftops - that could almost be mistaken for psychosis.
Now for the first time, neuroscientists have produced brain scan images of this fevered activity, before it settles into the wine and roses phase of romance or the joint holiday card routines of long-term commitment.
-snip-
n an earlier functional M.R.I. study of romance, published in 2000, researchers at University College London monitored brain activity in young men and women who had been in relationships for about two years. The brain images, also taken while participants looked at photos of their beloved, showed activation in many of the same areas found in the new study - but significantly less so, in the region correlated with passionate love, she said.
In the new study, the researchers also saw individual differences in their group of smitten lovers, based on how long the participants had been in the relationships. Compared with the students who were in the first weeks of a new love, those who had been paired off for a year or more showed significantly more activity in an area of the brain linked to long-term commitment.
-snip-
One volunteer in the study was Suzanna Katz, 22, of New York, who suffered through a breakup with her boyfriend three years ago. Ms. Katz said she became hyperactive to distract herself after the split, but said she also had moments of almost physical withdrawal, as if weaning herself from a drug.
"It had little to do with him, but more with the fact that there was something there, inside myself, a hope, a knowledge that there's someone out there for you, and that you're capable of feeling this way, and suddenly I felt like that was being lost," she said in an interview.
And no wonder. In a series of studies, researchers have found that, among other processes, new love involves psychologically internalizing a lover, absorbing elements of the other person's opinions, hobbies, expressions, character, as well as sharing one's own. "The expansion of the self happens very rapidly, it's one of the most exhilarating experiences there is, and short of threatening our survival it is one thing that most motivates us," said Dr. Aron, of SUNY, a co-author of the study.
To lose all that, all at once, while still in love, plays havoc with the emotional, cognitive and deeper reward-driven areas of the brain. But the heightened activity in these areas inevitably settles down. And the circuits in the brain related to passion remain intact, the researchers say - intact and capable in time of flaring to life with someone new.
http://www.jefallbright.net/node/3207
I post this to say, even though it feels transcendant to you, it's a perfectly predictable development given what has happened so far. That doesn't matter except that he is married and has a child, and that your indulgence of the chemical insanity you're going through has real-life consequences.
Your actions are much, much less culpable than his, but you are still contributing to an awful situation.
What's more, it's extremely unlikely it will end well for you, either.
Which does not make you or him inherently awful people who will be cursed for life because of your awfulness, or whatever -- just, you're asking for advice, right? My advice is to quit this, patch things up with your non-married boyfriend or dump him too and start anew.
This stuff is a distraction:
Quote:Does having a child with someone mean you are obligated to spend your life with that person? What if you weren't meant to be? Obviously you are in the child's life forever, therefor in the mother's life to an extent, but should you stay together if there's nothing between you anymore?
Of course not. However, all of that can be dealt with
between the two people involved -- your married paramour and his wife -- and
resolved before he goes sneaking around with you. If there is no hope with his wife, fine, he can get a divorce and work out custody arrangements. If there is hope with his wife, he can work on that hope and maybe stay intact as a family.
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