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Can anyone give me advice here?

 
 
Reply Fri 10 Jul, 2020 01:43 am
Just wondering if maybe I could get some answers here and advice as well.

I met 2 European guys from dating sites. 1 is Swedish and the other was Finnish. They told me they were introverts and I actually myself was an introvert so not a big issue to me. I've been talking to the Swedish guy for 2 weeks now and just some days to the Finnish guy. Swedish guy highly expressed that he wanted to be more than friends in the beginning of the conversation and prefer to lose contact if we are just going to be friends. He said I was cute. He only had a gf once and that was in like his younger years(maybe teenager or before teenage years) and never during adulthood. At this point in time I have confirmed that he's childish and immature though he's already 34 yo now. I am concerned that he is saying that he likes me or interested in me but within our 2 weeks of chat what he does is talks about himself, his life, like he never even asked how am I, what am I doing, about my family or even my job. Sometimes I share something about myself and he doesnt even asked more about it like he don't care about anything in my life. Is that because he's introvert? or European culture? or he's not really interested? Is he just bored? I dont understand he's giving me mixed signals...And this week I insisted that we do video call and he said he wanted to talk about him going here and what are the things that we will do on the video call. I dont understand...and then just some days ago a Finnish guy started talking to me and to my surprise they were sort of the same. This guy didn't really expressed that he wanted anything romantic in our relationship yet but had said that I was cute on the 2nd day of chatting. He's 31 and had long distance relationship with other nationalities before. The last one even went there and lived with him for like 3 months but didn't work out to marriage. So I was thinking we are friends or anything that is not on romantic status yet. However I noticed that his way of chatting and talking too, we did video call twice already, he was like the Swedish guy who just keeps on talking about himself his life everything thats going on on his life. And even though sometimes Im not actively talking to him he keeps on messaging or reaching out to me. He never asked about my life and when I share he seems to not care about it and keeps on talking about himself. I dont know what this guys want. Do they just want someone to talk to? I think they were too self centered?? I am an introvert too but if Im interested in a person Im trying to know the person and everything about his life. Like seriously can anyone enlighten me I dont know where to find answers on this matter
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Type: Question • Score: 1 • Views: 298 • Replies: 6
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jespah
 
  2  
Reply Fri 10 Jul, 2020 04:12 am
@Shanamie,
You say, to them and to anyone else who only talks about themselves, "Excuse me! Can I get a word in vertical?"

And then start talking about your day and your interests.

That is, take charge of the conversation. Right now, you've ceded the floor, as it were, and neither guy is perceptive enough to figure out that they need to shut up on occasion.

If you still feel they're not listening or engaging or the like, then you're allowed to cut ties entirely. You have very little time invested in either of them.
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Teufel
 
  0  
Reply Sat 25 Jul, 2020 05:50 pm
@Shanamie,
Myself I am reclusive in physical life and have been for the past decade+. My wife is a PhD and like myself she has little time for people or society hence she is as reclusive as myself .... the whole COVID isolation thing, that is just normal for us anyway.

Even the most ebullient of N Europeans are by most standards, quiet and seemingly unemotional and aloof.

However, truly introverted people do not in my experience or that of my wife, make idle gossip .... My wife and I dislike being away from each other, we are much like a single entity by choice .... So we sit about 1 mtr apart, all day, every day .... Yet we'll go hours without a word. When we do talk it is always about academic subjects; psychology, philosophy, physics (excuse my alliteration) and so forth. Neither of us can abide noise or people in the house other than us two and our little dog.

Our two adult children live in other countries and my wife talks to them on the internet very occasionally when they make contact .... That contact is usually work related as they are also PhD's .... Myself I will at most ask her to say hello to them.

So my point would be that you seem to have a need to 'talk', whilst really introverted people do not do that. Rather, they are innately quiet.

A little further advice, if the gentleman has made his 30's with just one previous g/f some years ago, then you need to ask yourself why that is and be somewhat careful.
izzythepush
 
  2  
Reply Sun 26 Jul, 2020 04:17 am
@Teufel,
Teufel wrote:

Even the most ebullient of N Europeans are by most standards, quiet and seemingly unemotional and aloof.


And you'd know that how?
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sun 26 Jul, 2020 07:19 am
@izzythepush,
Prejudice?
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Sun 26 Jul, 2020 07:52 am
@jespah,
Probably. When I was in Copenhagen last year the people weren’t at all reserved.

Christiania, the self declared free zone is fantastic. You can sit in the beer gardens smoking a spliff and chatting away with perfect strangers like there’s no tomorrow. It’s one of the friendliest most welcoming places I’ve ever been.
0 Replies
 
Shanamie
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Nov, 2020 02:29 am
Sorry i was just able to login now again but thanks for sharing all your insights Smile
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