Should I put a stop and end to this?

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Hi everyone, the issue that I am having is that my bf has not told any of his dead ex wife ( she died last year in july) friends or people that he knows in common with her that I exist and that I am his girlfriend , yesterday I told him about it, because every time that a person that was a friend of his ex wife calls him ( besides the fact that he inherited her house and sone other belongings) he just leaves the room or tells me to not speak, and the same thing happened with her when she was still alive. She did not know I existed.

Because according to him it would be too painful for her , cause apparently their divorce was hard ( she was the one who took that decision, even though she was still into him), their marriage was a hot mess, and I am way younger than her.

So my question is, am I entitled to demand him to let these people know that I am his GIRLFRIEND! That I exist and that is extremely normal for him to have a girlfriend when they have been divorced for almost 8 years now.( no kids in the way, and the fact that he is not CASTRATED)

I need your honest opinion, what is up with this, he told me he had already explain to me why, honestly I don’t even remember that explanation, but he sure did not refresh my mind yesterday.

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@Lizeth19,

You can demand anything you want. Just be prepared to not get it, though.

For some reason, he doesn't want to tell anyone about you. Maybe he's ashamed of you or himself. Maybe he feels guilty. Maybe he thinks his friends will judge him.

You have choices. Either deal with what is in front of you - or don't.

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@Lizeth19,

Lose him! If he's keeping your relationship a secret even though he's divorced for 8 years and his ex-wife died already, he's not committed to you. What's the point then?

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@Lizeth19,

Why be with someone who denies your very existence? Ew.

That's gotta do a number on your head.

Find someone who wants to shout it from the rooftops.

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@Lizeth19,

It seems pretty obvious he doesn't want to tell anyone.

I have no idea why he would not - since I don't know the guy, but to me there is no good reason why he doesn't.

If you want to be in a real committed relationship with him then he needs to acknowledge that he is your girlfriend and not hide you.

You cannot make him do anything, but you certainly are entitled to have a real committed relationship. Just realize he may not want this. You can certainly demand he lets these people know - but he might not do it. You have every right to not be treated as someone that is hidden. You also can decide that unless he commits to you 100% - which means he lets people know you are a couple - you then do not consider you are a couple and will be dating other people. Basically if he does not treat you as a partner then you are not a partner and free to move on.

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@Linkat,

Hi there, Hi there, all of his friends from childhood, family and work friends etc know about me and have met me.

I am 31, he is 47, it’s only his ex wife friends, who he happens to know as well to which he has not told about ne and that he has been with me for 2 years and a half.

1 Reply

@Lizeth19,

What do you care what his dead ex wife’s friends know or don’t know?

If this one group is Only one unaware, you’re just walking around looking for trouble.

For Gods sake, these people are 4 times removed from you.
Who cares what they know/dot know, or think about anything?

1 Reply

@chai2,

Btw, my first husband was 16 years older than me. Just a short marriage of less than 2 years. I was I think 31 when we married.
My 2nd husband of over 26 years was 12 years older than me.
I must have just turned 35.

If he’s thinking that group of people will raise their eyebrows at your age difference, then screw them.

There are later in life challenges that will come up with a 16 year age gap, but the disapproval of others aren’t one of them.

From a social standpoint, I never gave a moments thought to the age gaps.

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@Lizeth19,

There’s his story, there’s Her story - and then there’s the truth.

Apparently her friends have a different version of their relationship, especially of the events of the Relationship, the divorce, and then The reason for his inheritance from her.

Why they continue to call or connect with him is confusing - Unless they want to process whatever there was between them and this woman , so they call him.

It’s just been one year and the anniversary is coming up.

Clearly this guy has had two lives. You and what they had. Just because she’s no longer here doesn’t mean he will parade you in front of her friends.

Back off for some more time.

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@Lizeth19,

Liz, you two sound perfect for each other.

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@Lizeth19,

Lizeth19 wrote:

... ( no kids in the way, and the fact that he is not CASTRATED.

I’m hoping you meant that he has not had a vasectomy. Castration is a whole other sort of drastic and unnecessary operation.

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@Leadfoot,

Leadfoot wrote:

Liz, you two sound perfect for each other.

Maybe they are.
Every pot has a lid.

1 Reply

@chai2,

Hope springs eternal.
I keep trying to kill it but apparently it has more lives than a cat.

1 Reply

@Leadfoot,

I'm not a big advocate for hope.
In fact, I think hope is a terrible thing.

I said that as a statement of fact.

No matter how awful, crazy, whatever negative you might attribute to a person, the odds are there's someone to fit them.

Not at all saying that's a good thing.

Or bad thing, or neutral thing. It's just the way it goes.

1 Reply

@chai2,

Hope absolutely sucks.

But I hope you’re right.

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Should I put a stop and end to this?

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