Marriage relationship advice

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Hi,

I have a problem with my wife which I have not told my wife.
Ours is an arranged mariage and I asked for 8 months time after our marriage was settled. To understand the girl I was going to marry we started to chat on the net and mail each other.
At that point of time I observed that she has lot of love inside her and loved and missed me a lot and was a romantic lover.
Now we are married and living together. But she seems to have changed to what she was before. She doesn't show much interest in sex and she says she is not romantic. But I am very attached to her and disappointed to see her change like this. I can get to the other extreme of being indifferent to her by spending all my time in the office. But thats not good for our future. May be I am not the guy for her.
Please suggest how to handle this situation so that our future is good.

Regards
Ram

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Hello Ram, welcome to A2K!

You must talk with her about your feelings. It's hard to do, talking about things like this, but there's usually no other recourse.

Can you tell her (gently) what you've told us here?

In other words, tell her how much you care for her, tell her you'd like very much to be close to her, and ask her how you can help her to be happier with your marriage.

If you've tried before to tell her these things, you'll have to sit down with her and let her know how serious you are... plan the talk days in advance and tell her how important these things are to you (and really, they're important to any married person).

You're very smart to NOT take the easy way out and work all the time. That gives me hope for your happiness!

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Hi Boris,

Thanks for the reply. I don't know how to approach her. I always loved her. Infact just before our marriage getting settled I even told her about my ex relationship. She said she was fine with that. I am a person full of love and affection and will go to any extent to make people I love to make them feel happy. I know this is dangerous. I need to be mentally stronger and more ruthless. I even asked her if she is not happy with me and she is said she is very happy. I don't know if I am doing anything wrong. Maybe time is the best judge.

Thanks
Sriram

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Sriram.. don't leave this on time. if you are uncomfortable then do talk it out.

I would suggest take her out for movies or dinner or some place where she wants to go. Do something she wants to do. Since this is an arranged marriage may be she has some inhibitions. Give it sometime but give her all the attention she deserves. Men and women function differently. Don't take "I am happy" to face value. Women show better physical closeness when they feel loved. Yes take it from a woman Smile

So try your every bit to find out what makes her happy and do that.

If I may ask, do you live with your parents? If not, then it will be even more easier for you to decipher the problem and work against it.

Best wishes for your marriage.

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I am leaving alone with her in a different country from hers and my parents. She actually tells me that she is missing her parents a lot.
We are going back soon as my project is coming to an end. After this we gonna be with my parents.
You know what , I showed her places and made her feel important.
I gave her all that she needed in this expensive country. She doesn't seem to be caring about my happiness and what makes me happy whereas I always wanted her happiness. I never demanded anything from her. So what more can I do? She just doesn't seem to enjoy my company.

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Looks like its best to mentally stronger and ignore all the things and do my work. I was worried about this relationship. But now I have realised that its best to do your work. If she wants the relationship in good shape then let her take the steps.

any comments???

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