getting from to friends to strangers to friends to romance?

Hello, everyone. I've been lurking on these boards for awhile now and hope that this forum might work out as a home for me; you guys are great. I feel a little selfish having one of my first posts be my own story but I promise that I will be a contributor those people to whom I feel that I may have something to offer.

In my sophomore year of college, I met an incredible woman. We both were involved in the music program and were just casual aquaintances. One day in my junior year (her sophomore), after a year of just "hi there" and "hello," she noticed me having a rough day and in distress; a few days later, she emailed me offering her comforts. I emailed back, and a deep friendship was formed. I respect her kindness, compassion, thoughtfulness, intelligence, and talent; I had told her this and she has said similar thoughts to me.

After our friendship really blossomed, I found out that she was engaged. It was a foolish thing not to know, but I was a little inexperienced with women at the time (since that day I stare at the fingers of every woman I meet!). I was really devastated. Our friendship continued, but through the year I found myself falling for her more deeply with each day that passed. I don't know if she felt that way about me or if she knew I felt that way about her. I certainly have never said anything to that effect; probably the most I've said in that direction was "I think of you often." Did she know how I felt about her?

Anyhow, I knew that I shouldn't develop these feelings for an engaged woman, so I decided to stop all of my communication with her. I no longer wrote, called, or stopped by; it was agonizing, and while during our friendship our communications were mutual, I found that as I stopped, she made no effort either.

I rarely saw her during my final year at the university; I graduated, worked for two years, and then decided to begin graduate school full time, all without seeing or hearing of her, but I thought about her nearly every day. About a month into grad school, I couldn't bear it anymore and emailed her, after three years; someone I knew was a married woman by now, but I hoped that reaching out to her would bring closure so that I could finally move on with all my heart. I didn't expect a reply.

She did reply, and in this message she told me that she never did marry her then-fiance; they had broken up after graduation. Though unrelated to this news, she also mentioned that she had sent me some well wishes a while back to one of my old email accounts which I had not checked for years. As we came into contact again, I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I wanted to pursue a relationship with her; I had just spent three years of my life trying to get over a potential wonderful relationship that never had a chance, and contacting her was my final step in getting over it...I know she's single now, but I had spent so long brainwashing myself into seeing her as unavailable that it feels strange to know that she is no longer so; I haven't grasped this yet.

After our initial contact, we have exchanged emails about once every month or two, and we met in town over christmas. We currently live about a two hour drive apart. I'm crazy about her, but I don't want to mess up a beautiful, though somewhat infrequent, friendship. I'm afraid that if I tell her about my romantic feelings, she might turn away. I did a relationship no-no: during our friendship that year in college, she learned just about everything about me, the good, the bad, etc. I often wish that I hadn't bared my soul to her the way I did.

Does she see that I have fallen for her? Would she be receptive to me knowing me the way she does? Would I wreck our friendship by expressing romantic interest? I think about these things alot. I wonder if I can handle just having her as a friend who will be constantly drifting in and out of my life.

If you read all this, you have my sincere thanks.

I feel a little better just getting it out there.

-m