My Life = Bad Case of Hiccups ... Advice?

Ouchies, sorry, I dunno if I have anything to offer except for an ear.

Thanks, littlek.

It's probably too much on the table anyway.

The immediate concern I guess is, should I break up and how do I do it?

He's a wonderful person, but I can't live with three things: he's been irresponsible financially and done nothing to correct it; his home is a mess beyond imagination; and, well, he--well I shouldn't say ...

Well, he recently had to look for work, and did everything possible to pass any tests, then after he got the job, he went back to his old habits. I don't mean to come across like a total innocent here. Some people can handle things like that, and some can't. And he can't. And his home and finances are indications of that. But also, I feel that when we are together, HE'S not really present.

And he has such a fine sharp mind. It's such a supreme waste.

And a waste of my time.

On the other hand, he's just been a dear. He's escorted me to many functions, a wedding, a graduation, and such, and it was nice to have him do that for me. And he's given some exellent advice, and I do mean exellent. And he's a very passionate, giving lover. But none of that means anything, if he's not really here. And I feel that I'm waiting around for him, when I could be doing something, and when he shows up, well, only half of him is here anyway.

Do you like yourself better with or without a man?

Do you have specific worlds to explore before you die or are you influenced for the moment by the man of the moment?

Why not spend a year in Japan? Think of the time as exploration rather than flight.

Hold your dominion.

sounds to me that you are not wholy interested in the man, for what ever reason. I agree with Noddy - try for the stint in Japan.

Noddy,24. Thanks for being here.

Gosh, now that you mention it, I like myself better without a man. But, "men cluster to me like moths around a flame."

It's these Italian pheremones, to be sure.

And, I just can't visualize a life where I pass myself off from man to man. It just doesn't seem decent. Or safe,

I can't see a life without sex as an option for me either.

I haven't really had that much time without being in some kind of monogamous relationship.

How does one do that, anyway?

And, I do have a lot of interests. And I do pursue them ... passionately and independently. But, I feel that there's not much left here Stateside for me to do or to explore. I've really had a good life despite the relationship thing. I've gotten to do all that I wanted to.

I think there are other worlds for me. I just can't be contented / contained in one continent.

A year away from men that cluster (well, maybe they'll cluster just as much in Japan) sounds like it might be good for you. No sex for a while makes you see things from a different perspective. I imagine, though, that you could find some nookie overseas.

Know anything about how Japanese men feel about American women?

I know very little about Japan. My sense is that while Japanese youth loves american STUFF, they aren't all that attracted to american people. Just a sense. Maybe CI knows better. I do know that there are loads of americans and europeans over there working and living.

I can tell you that if you are an American in a band, you will meet many, many nice Japanese girls. Dunno if it works on the other side of the street tho.

dupre said:
"and, well, he--well I shouldn't say ..."

Are you implying something manhood related ?
Just a guess here, but ...
You might be barking up the wrong tree.

Dupre--

Thanks for the kind words.

You observe:



Believe me, time is a limited commodity.



Use the manless-by-choice respite to put as much time into discovering yourself as you have into understanding your various men.

As for the break-up--Japan can be a pretext as well as a destination.

2005--beginnings of a great adventure.

LionTamerX, hi, and thanks for responding to my situation.

You guys are the best!

Nothing manhood related. I said I couldn't say, then I went ahead and said it, sort of, skirting all the way around it. Anyway ...

I've never had to sing for my, my, my whatever, but I can do a rousing rendition of "Hey Big Spender" and if that will help, well, then, I can let down my librarian-grammarian bun and go to it.

Been searching online for that Japanese men / Amercian women thing and found little info on the subject.

Can't imagine a year with no sex, or what insight littlek might be refering to. But, it may be worth a try. For something completely different.

littlek, can you enlighten me? I'm open to new experiences. Truly. And it would solve certain recurring, inconvenient issues anyway.

Thanks!

Well... I guess if you aren't involved with a man all the time (sex or no sex) that you will come to better understand yourself and therefore what you really want in a man.

Dupre, it sounds a lot to me like you're working yourself out from under the whatshouldbe's; implicitly and explicitly we're all bombarded with how our lives are supposed to go from going to college to getting married to getting a house to having kids... yadda yadda yadda blahblahblah. I reckon you're just blazing your own path now.

One of the great things about getting older is being able to see sh_t from a distance and not have to actually step in it. So, with Mr. Half-There, it seems you already see it for what it isn't. The sweet part is you only have to worry about dumping half a partner.

Do the Japan thing and write those definitive volumes on how Japanese men respond to American women with Italian pheromones.See what you can see from there and keep us updated.

Noddy24, yes, the times I've been without a man, I am just filled up with the excitement of life. And it looks darn good on me, and then, well, the men start to cluster.

They start insinuating themselves into my good life and good energy, under false pretenses of also being interested in whatever I'm interested in, and then--zap!--they start ziphoning off as much of my good energy as they can get.

"Manless-by-choice" .. what a concept! I must sleep on this and let it sink in ...

Hello Blaise!

Find a medium-sized club and tell the hapless swains that your astrologer has assigned you a time of chastity.

BlaiseDaley: Wow! I like it.



And ... so how should I go about it?

Dupre, I told you a year or so to get a new job and scrap the boyfriend. If it's still the same one, I'm glad to see that at least half my advice has been followed.

<howdy Ms. K>

Dupre... well... uh... hmmm. Okay, I'll be honest with you, I've never dumped a guy before. As much as it sucks I think you'll just have to say it's over for you. You appreciate the kindness he's shown and the time you've spent together but your life is taking a different direction now.

I don't know what your discussions have been like with the thing you couldn't mention (sounds like it has to do with better life thru chemistry) but maybe you want to mention that as well, I don't know. It pretty much boils down to just saying what's on your mind and in your heart. You don't have to cut him off at the legs but let him know you're moving on. Either that or you can tell him you just found out you were adopted and you have to fly off to Tokyo.