Break up with her ?

Backstory -
3 years ago I met this girl at a part time gig and we became friends. I was just getting out of a 4 year toxic relationship but found intense chemistry with her. Naturally I’m an easygoing person with lots of friends, best friends since kindergarten who love me. But this was different. We had intense eye contact, really talked to each other, held hands and cuddled in her bed. The thing was she had a rich boyfriend whom I knew. But she used to sneak me in her room while her family slept, smoke and cuddle. Kissed me on the tip of my nose one night and said she loved me and “where’s my kiss?” I kissed her cheek and felt awkward. After that I felt this wasn’t just platonic and boundaries are being crossed but we never openly discussed. Sh*t hit the fan when I overslept once and her mom walked in on her hugging me. Her mom beat her and insulted her infront of me. I was surprised because her mom knew me and adored me, but what was weird was the sneaking around and letting me go before her parents woke up. after that I said I won’t come again. But she managed to convince me to keep coming and hid my from her parents.

Point was Both of us came from broken homes and we planned to escape away to college in a different country. When she was in her own country, she’d call me everyday and send me sexy pics/videos. When I knew her bf told her to stay away from me because I’m bad, she defended me even thought I wanted to cut our friendship. I felt I was feeling something for her. But she said she couldn’t live without me as I’m her entire world and she wants our dream tl travel and start over.
She then broke up with her bf and kept reminding me how she picked me over him.

So we traveled. Problems started when she used to express jealousy of me and other guys, but she’d go out with someone she just met. She used to say she had. A dream where we were fighting And then I grabbed her and kissed her and we enjoyed. She kept bringing it up. Then one night I started kissing her neck while under the influence of drugs and alcohol. (I had an addiction) she pulled me closer but we ended up fighting and I was blacked out. (Subconsciously I felt maybe she wanted it. And hence I acted on it. )
The the fights got worse. I was excelling and she didn’t care. I screamed at her "I'm paying everything for you and you don't appreciate anything!" (I covered her flight ticket and dorm etc, I used to work wellpaid projects, her family’s situation was bad could barely afford)
After this incident,we argued a lot.
She started distancing herself. She said she was afraid of me. She would get physical sometimes, and pull my hair or bite me so hard she'd leave marks.
She asked me if I had feelings for her one morning and I said no, I liked her as a friend. after that she decided to move in with our other friend and we barely spoke. I noticed that she was going around to boys and telling them stories that I've abused and harassed her. Then problem was she twisted the story in her favor and said I was in love with her. She did whatever she can to keep boys away from me and was angry when they’d fall for me or hook up with me.
It reached a limit when she once said to me " I hope you die already." I took it really badly because I had attempted earlier with a drug overdose after one of our fights. She was there and she broke down crying asking me not to leave her.
Anyway after she said those words, I lunged at her and we started fighting on the street. Then she started screaming for help and called cops on me for attempting to strange her.
I stayed away from her after that. And then I started regretting and missing her. I started drinking more and cutting my wrists to repent. Then I decided to go to her and apologize and try to fix things. She held my hand and said "we tried and it won't work out. I don't want you. I feel nothing for you anymore." When I asked her what I've done to deserve this, she replied "I cared about you. And I was in love with you" after a pause she continued fast "as a friend." “I’m really over you.”
I started crying, she wiped my tears and hugged me. What I knew only was she protected me from cops and university disciplinary hearing but to my boy friends talk crap.

Problem-
After a year of NC We’d talk on/off. We’re back to the country we stay in. I eventually dropped out and she left after the first semester. . Once I reached out to warn her about some guy who wanted to hurt her, and she trusted me to “take care of it.” She confessed and apologized for all the hurt she had caused me; and now knew the truth that I wasn’t bad and never meant to hurt her. She said she missed me and thought about us getting back but it’s not a good idea to see each other and we ceased contact. Some time later I was in the psych ward and let her know. She came to visit me but brought some guy with her, and brought my “favorite food”. However as I was unstable they restricted access to family only and she couldn’t enter, she dropped the food and said she’ll see me next time and that I’ll be okay and she isn’t afraid of me.
3 months ago, We started talking again when she reached out to me randomly. Called me and said “her friend was being sexually harassed at work.” At the time I was staying at a hotel with a guy friend and later I moved in my own place alone. Then she’d call me and check on me and we’d talk for hours. She used to tell me what her new bf does for her and I was genuinely happy. But when she sent me a pic of him, I figured it was a catfish. Some local talent in a different country that doesn’t even know her and she’s using his photos. Then she started dissing him and said she broke up with him after 9 months as he’s cheating and whatnot. She also said “I’m sorry I don’t want to use you but can I call you before I sleep, I used to do that with my bf.” (And with me in the past) . She’d sometimes send a video of her sexy dancing with no context. Even asked me to help her edit her boobs in one of her photo sessions.
Another time on call she said Thankyou for helping me I’ll do whatever you want.
She said “a kiss or a hug maybe?” I laughed and said what makes her think I’m dying for her hugs and when I asked if she ever cuddled with anyone after me, she said no and not even with her BF. She’d sometimes compare me to him say how my gifts to her were so important, and sent me a photo of her wearing the necklace I gave her because it “reminds me of you”
When I asked what are we now? She avoided it for some time. Then She said she didn’t want to break my heart and she’s thought about it but we can’t be friends. However she said she’d always be there when I need her.

I’ve been sober off drugs for a year and alcohol for 4 months. Now I am working on my mental illness with medication & therapy and even got a job in sales. I’m the best I could be. And I admit I was so toxic in the past with years of unresolved trauma
She said she wants to come see my at my flat after quarantine.
The truth is I feel chemistry with her and I think i feel something intense for her.
But I don’t want to pursue a relationship or Anything. I’m Western and Christian, she’s Arab and Muslim. I don’t even want to confess. I just want to be her friend and get over those feelings. I don’t know what she feels and I don’t know what to do.

Last thing: she’s kept in touch with my childhood best friend via phone and they only talk about me. But she never mentioned anything about our “closeness” ever. She’d talk about everything else and our problems but never that.

I just want to know what should I do and what do you think she feels? My judgement isn’t very clear at the moment.(I’m a girl too.)