I don’t know if I’m being gaslighted.

Mon 25 May, 2020 10:18 am
After talking to my mother on the phone about my recent ex boyfriends (who I dated for a short time) being single again, she said a lot of guys in online dating are just looking for sex, basically saying this is what my ex's are looking for, and she said my ex's seem to be often dating someone new and so on. Before she already said perhaps that’s how my ex's and guys and those sites are, and that sex is what they look for.

My fear is that guys I really like only pretend to like me to have sex with me. Perhaps this is true- and I can accept it, but I don't understand why she said the exact thing i'm afraid of because she knows it is a fear. She has also helped me al lot with dealing with this problem.

She later said that both of them have problems in dating, citing their problems and saying that’s why they are still single, and so they can’t find anyone.

She also says it’s a general comment she made about guys and online dating. She also said she thinks they genuinely liked me.

At this point I am digging her words a lot because I want to understand her logic.

Now she is either just talking without using her head because she should know her comment bothers me, or she is doing it to bother me.

Now comes the more confusing part

Although she helps me a lot emotionally, like during the call because I am digging a lot about why she said that, she gets very angry ( during a time when I need help), which makes me feel weak and helpless.

It's important to note that she is angry that she has to explain herself to me while I dig to understand why she said what bothers me. (guys I really like just want to sleep with me and that's it). While doing this she acts as if though i'm going crazy and says that I need to stop being in denial.

When I explain to her that she makes me feel bad during the call and that her anger and her tone of voice which suggests I’m going crazy, she doesn’t change- I have already told her this before when we had similar arguments where I doubt myself about other things. ( this happens 1 other time regarding another topic)

She said I twist things, making me feel like i'm going crazy

She said it’s scary she has to repeat herself

She said I forget things

and had a general tone of high irritation

I have a tendency to sometimes be blocked and sometimes not accept things. My ex boyfriend has told me similar things my mother told me and a friend once told me I don't accept things and want people to repeat things and/or to reassure me.

Am I being crazy or is she gaslighting me? I also read that people are sometimes unaware that they gaslight people, could this be the case?
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Fri 31 Jul, 2020 02:12 am
Do you know where the term 'Gaslighting' even comes from?

If person A keeps on telling person B which they think, but person B just keeps on splitting hairs and 'digging' ... It is enough to make anyone angry, it is really irritating. What interests you is purely yourself, you obviously have low self esteem and want/desire constant bolstering from any and all people you come across.

quote: Now comes the more confusing part

That made me laugh; it is all confusing, your ability to put across what you are trying to say is confused and truly hard to fathom. My wife is a Dr of Psychology and she agrees with me on that.

It appears you want to sleep with guys you like the sound of, but you think they are not interested in you just sex.

The answer is: Yes; No; Maybe.

There is no hard and fast answer, it has to be taken on an individual case.

However, I would have to point out that these dating apps seem to be a 'One night stand' mill, designed for people to have meaningless sex (for sex is meaningless without true affection shared)

Maybe get off the apps and try to meet someone in physical life. Maybe also attempt to say what you mean precisely in 100 words, not ramble for 1000.

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