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Sun 3 Jul, 2005 11:28 am
first time here,i had a problem with alcohol and also involved cheating on my wife, i was a really bad husband for years,and i decided to change and stop the lies,its been two years since i stopped and i plan to remain faithfull and sober to her, i been doing a lot of improvements and still working on it, obiously she lashed out at me often with anger thru this time but it seems to have stopped or diminish considerably,now all that is left is hurt, there is no sex appeal whatsoever from either us, were starting a new business and obiously money is not great so that is not helping, i feel i stopped loving here and i also feel it from her, we have 8 yr old daughter and 3 year old son. i admit i was wrong and dont expect anything, and i been comprehensive and tried to "take it like a man" all this time hoping we can slowly work it out,but it seems all it happened it slowly died. i am desperate and dont know what to do anymore, she is walking behind me rushing and angry as i type ,she is not reading this but i need it to let it out
Hi Roofin .......Welcome to A2K.
Have you and your wife tried counseling? If not - do you think you both want your marriage to work enough to give it a shot?
It seems that the scars run pretty deep within your marriage.
I think your only hope of survival is being able to set aside the past. At least to the point of getting rid of all the anger. Because until you can do that ...... you can't start building on your relationship again. No matter how much you try. No matter how dedicated you are to not cheating or drinking again.
Throw away the "old" and build on the "new." Start fresh. But you gotta have some
love left to make that a viable option.
cheating
My husband cheated on me. Only a kiss, but I did consider divorce. Look, It seems like you have a few issues. From my point of view, a friend is first. Don't panic in quicksand. Stop trying to go through the glass in the window, use the door. Start over, day one. bE her friend, don't get angry, and go to AA meetings. It will take a year or two. If you are consistant and convicted to your goal, you will succeed. Good luck
date your wife again
sometimes the fun has to end and work begins,your alcholic addictions have destroyed your wifes respect for you,in order for you to get what you want in your marriage you must continue to do what is right show your wife and child that you are a better person now,get more envolved take your wife out be more romantic see her as the girl you once remembered madly in love with her,if your feelings are honest she will love you again,otherwise you have reached the end of the road.
i am getting help, a lot of help that is what i owe the progress i been making also i found spirituality again, she also was getting help with other wifes in the same boat but she had enough of it,its been like 7 hours from my original post and she is totally diferent from the morning,we laughed and played with our children but the mood swings are to sudden and strong and sometimes catch me off guard, that is the only way i am making it but looking at what i am doing today not for what i did in the past,thanks for the support i know i did this to us, and i took a long time destroying our lifes and i know it will take the same to build them back. i need a place like this to run and recharge once in a while thank you guys.
Roofingguy,
You are more than welcome to come here and vent and post and ask for advice or anything you like, for as long as you like.
It is a long and very hard road getting to where you want to be in your life and in your marriage. That is awesome that you are getting some good counseling and some good people to help you on your path. You are also keenly aware of how difficult it is for your wife. You said she has been getting support from other wives but is she (and you) getting any counseling with just the two of you together? That might be helpful for you both...
Please keep us posted on how things are going.....
...well sorry to hear all that, but you made your bed, now you have to lie in it.....she may forgive you oneday, but she will never forget it
she will be angry and upset with you for a long long time......
...so only you can decide whats best for you. :wink:
All said and done , its easy to say things, but when it comes to reality its tough to follow certain things.
Fault Tolerance
Disaster Recovery
These 2 are needed for any relationship to work.
Start over with your wife. Be her friend. Then be her lover. The trust you once had is gone and you need to rebuild it. Talk to her and explain to her your concerns. Take her out on a date and talk to her. Move slowly. But move forward.
Good luck and welcome.
Remember that she didn't divorce you after what you did so she probably doesn't want to divorce either.
I am so glad to hear someone who has reformed and is making the attempt to make a marriage work. It may fail in the end, as there are no guarantees in love or life but if you love her and your children, you should feel no regret in fighting for your family.
all been going good this week we were intimate last night but is not like wild passionate love ,but we had fun and i got to tell her how i love her,the kids are ok with daddy too, and i try to go where they want to go instead of the places i like,seems to stink at the begining but when we get home and wife had a good time she can be very rewarding :wink:
tx for your support
I am glad to hear that things are better. Remember that this bond you have right now is very fragile. Don't be afraid to do or say things but be aware of that.
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