Thu 7 May, 2020 04:03 pm
So I'm here in regards to help with a woman. I'll give you the full backstory on my situation here. There's this girl I dated in high school for about a year. We broke up, then proceeded to date again for a couple months before circumstances out of our control forced us to break up again. This time frame was from 2012-2013. We were distant for a couple years, and then in about 2016 when I enlisted in the Marine Corps we started talking on and off again, as friends. For the past 2 years however, we've talked basically every day, excluding the times I wasn't able to when I was deployed. I've dated other women since then obviously, and nothing has worked out, either because the aforementioned girl (we'll call her Jessica.) became available so I made myself available. She is a very big influence in my life, and the first thing i think about when I wake up, last thing I think about before I go to sleep. When I was deployed, she got engaged to someone, and it crushed me, and I kind of went dark on her, because I couldn't bring myself to tell her how I felt and I wanted her to be happy. After a few months of not talking she messaged me and asked why I was distant, so I explained. She had said she told me she was engaged in case I had any reservations about it, which I didn't realize. I'm very, very naive when it comes to signals from women, like bad. The engagement fell through however, and I didn't want to immediately be like, "Hey, give me a chance." because I value our friendship and just having her in my life, even if I want more. However I told her whenever she's ready to date again, I want to be the first to know, and she agreed. Lately though, she's been doing things that I read as, almost flirtatious, maybe. I'm not sure like I said I'm not good at reading signals from women, and maybe I'm just wishfully thinking or overthinking. Things like changing my Hulu account name to Dummy, talking all day everyday and only to each other for months now, calling me when she's drunk, just the overall way she talks to me. I guess my overall question is should I risk our friendship and current relationship to take a chance to be with her again, or am I seeing something that's not there, and should I just keep on keeping on? Keep in mind also we literally live on opposite coasts, so that's also something I consider when thinking about being with her. Any help is much appreciated because I'm kind of losing my mind about this and I just want it to be resolved, I'd like some clarity. Thank you.
You know who could answer all these questions for you?
There is not a woman who had ever been born that does not know how a man with your feelings, feel about her.
It isn't about you not being able to read a women's signals - it is she is not being clear about signals. I am a woman and I would never tell a guy I was engaged to see if another guy I liked had any reservations. It is not surprising her engagement fell a part if this was her thinking.
With that aside - you are both adults stop playing games and be honest. If you are confused about what she is thinking - ask her. Tell her you care about her and would like to date her (whatever her feelings are) - and ask her how she feels. You can always tell her that her friendship is important so if she does feel the same way - you do want to maintain that friendship.
So stop guessing and trying to read signals - it doesn't work - be kind but up front. Tell her you are getting mixed signals and ask how do you feel about me?
The two of you live on opposite coasts. She is playing games with you because she knows the likelihood of a real relationship is slim based on the fact that you do not live near each other.
So unless one of you is willing to move at some point, then you will not have any real relationship.
So be friends, chat, skype or whatever as you want. But don't stay hung up on having a relationship with her. Get out and look around. Something tells me you can find someone you are attracted to a bit closer to where you live.