Is this weird?

Has your fiance always come out with blue humor?

How much sleep are you getting a night?

Was this baby planned?

I am currently running on about 3-4 hours a day...

The baby wasn't unexpected, we stopped using birth control, and decided what ever happens, happens.

His humor is weird, but was never offensive, just gross a lot of times....(like farting jokes and stuff) The first comment, i can imagine, he thought he was being funny. The second time though, it wasn't even said humorously. He would have never had a second thought if i didn't say something. When i asked him what he said to make sure i heard right, he said that he said cutesy. I know he said sexy, he admitted to it when he saw i wasn't buying the play on words. Oddly enough these comments were made after feedings which he was present to.( i am breastfeeding)

He gets 7, 8, sometimes 9 hours of sleep a day, so he's not delirious.
He isn't overworked either, i do all of the baby care, all of the housework, he has cooked 3 meals in 3 weeks...hasn't done a single dish. He has done some laundry. He has been back at his job since mon., and works 6 hours a night. He's a third shifter. He's been at his job 10 years, so its not work that he isn't use to.

I really don't think he is a pedo...his comments have really freaked me out though. I don't know what to think of them. I don't feel comfy feeding her when he's around now...and him not taking the time to bond with her is aggravating, because i need to get back to work, and i want to be assured she is in competent hands. He was off 2 weeks when she was born, he spent the time playing video games...and when he had to go to her, she was interrupting his game, and he would go to her in aggravation. So, i would then have to take over, because of his aggravation ,he couldn't calm her.

I'm sure my own aggravation about other things and sleep deprivation might have made me come off really harsh, but really i feel it was justified. With his first comment, i just tsked him. Told him it wasn't funny, and was in bad taste. The second time is when i really let him have it.

Saying "come here sexy" in a normal voice doesn't seem bad to me. Saying seductivly in a low voice is gross.

Tell your guy you can't have sex for 6 weeks after the baby (it is 6, right?). My god. You have been through a trauma and all he can think about is his...um, yeah.

<pssst> Bella? It was andi77 who wanted to have sex with her fiance. Not the other way 'round.

Listen to your instincts on this one. One thing I thought of, though, is that for new parents who have been used to using terms of endearment with their SO for the last several years, might just blurt out inapropriate things that would usually be said to their partners out of habit.

The weird noises, though, I don't know...

Oh... after 3 weeks? She must be incredibly resilient.

Yep it was i who initiated sex, i am fine....6 weeks is the standard for anyone who has given birth, weather you had an episiotomy, c-section, or a smooth delivery. I did have a vaginal birth, no episiotomy, no bleeding. I have no aches and pains. Breastfeeding actually helps recovery, by shrinking your uterus faster, and also puts off your periods for up to six months.

Besides sex is good therapy for stress:), and keeps my partner and i intimate, and makes him feel still important.

Yeah, it is great for intimacy but it is important you heal properly too. Sex can wait 6 weeks, can't it? There are plenty of other forms of intimacy. Sheesh.

Thats what i am hoping for freeduck, that it was just a big goof. He absolutely floored me though...i never ever imagined him to be like that.

After some thought though,I'm kinda thinking maybe that my breastfeeding arouses him. Not towards his daughter, but the act of me breastfeeding.
You guys might find this funny, but he jokes a lot about being squirted w/ breastmilk...(see thats his humor) Mabey he was thinking i was sexy, and he meant to say cutesy?
Blehhh...i'm gonna talk to him when he gets up, and apologize for being so harsh, hopefully after he gets up, he can explain himself.

Beleive me bella i am fine, i wouldn't do it if i didn't feel comfortable, or if it caused any bleeding or complications. Thanks for your concern though
Everything is really back to normal. (thank goodness for kegal exercises LOL)

Ok, that's good.

Just a question...did you do kegal before baby or just after?

andi--

Obviously you need more rest.

Is it possible that the New Daddy is feeling way-way out of his depth and trying to cover up his insecurity with clowning?

Do you know any hands-on dads who could give him a pep talk?

Seems to me the first time he was uncomfortable about having sex in front of the baby (which I find entirely reasonable) and demonstrated why.

The second time could definitely be a slip. Does he say that to you?

I've found myself saying "sweetie" to the cats... (No, no, sweetie! Get of the counter!)



I find the lack of interest in bonding with the baby to be more problematic. Being a dad is much more than just bringing home a paycheck.

I did kegals prior to pregnancy, during, and after.

Yep, thats a possibility Noddy.

I have no idea how to help him either, lol. Last time i tried the pep-talk idea is when we moved in together, and we had our hurdles to overcome.
I had a kinda mutual friend, initiate convo with him about his experiences when he moved in with his g/f. Well he caught on to the set-up, and got offended. LOL
I figure he will come around in his own time, probably when he gets more comfortable with the new situation. When she seems less fragile, and definently when her digestive system is a little more mature, lol.

sleep? sleep is so overrated...lol

Yeah i agree, i need more sleep...but i doubt that would have prevented me from getting PO'ed at him. They weren't appropriate comments, and he didn't even try to explain himself about the last comment. He just rolled his eyes at me and stuff, and said it was no big deal, which only escalated it.
He also left me to my own means of making sence of it, which is why i am here...to get other points of view. I dunno if my conclusion is right, but i suppose i will find out later.
So, actually if he could have given some sort of explaination, the whole fued could have been avoided. I have been doing the 3-4 hours of sleep thing for 3 weeks. It is tuff, i am trying to keep caught up with school(online course), keep a somewhat tidy, sanitary home. Be there for the baby, My 6 year old son (not current fiance's) and him.

HAHA this is his 4th day back to work, and he is pulling the whole he is the breadwinner thing. Even though, i put the food on the table, granted its with foodstamps.(i went on those when i took maternity leave)
The minimum has been paid on bills...and when i get my student loan disbursement its all going on bills. Also, i do plan to go back to work...

Blehhh this has tuned into a gripe fest for me, lol....ah well, it feels good to vent.

I had no intention of having sex in front of the baby...i was either going to move her or we could have went to our lil spot in the basement:)....lol

and don't forget the birth control unless you're ready for another baby in your family.

I'm meeting with a friend tomorrow who conceived her second child six weeks after her first child was born. Don't trust the "no period" thing. <I've also got cousins who are less than eleven months apart in age>

It does seem that sleep and adjustment time would be good for everybody.

My seester and I are eleven months apart--to the day . . . damn, those two were busy ! ! !

We are using condoms...at my six weeks appointment i am getting the IUD.

Good thinking, andi.

Have you got a friend who can come over and give you a chance to sleep a bit? Even another 2 or 3 hours might help you.

<then again, ranting here's a good option too>

What kind of experience does your partner have with being around newborns?