Relationships n stuff

one concept is that people just like something new. it doesn't mean that the old thing was bad just simply it isn't something new. something new is fresh and you have more fun getting to understand it and learning.

Yep, thats fine but to 'upheave' a marriage/relationship just because you wanted something new is quite severe.Buy a new coat or a car!!!

Surely people can look ahead and see what may happen.
Surely they know what the wedding vows mean and should be willing to make sacrifices.

I hear you. Being on this site has just reinforced why I should never get married.

It's possible that the concept of marriage is outdated. As recent as 100 years ago a marriage could have lasted only 20 years based on a person's expected life span. Now, you have a likely chance at a marriage of over 50 years. That's a long time to be with someone and dealing with the changes we all go through. I think it's more luck than commitment that you can tolerate someone this long.

Was it ever necessary tho?Who invented it?
The only reason I can think of to get married is because women were frowned upon having babies out of wedlock.
Was it like that back in BC, when was marriage first around?hat were the reasons then?

cannon-seems awful that we have to learn to tolerate each other.
There are many happy marriages that have lasted decades so some people are doing something right.
20 years doesnt seem to bad, 50 is an absolute lifetime!!

I hate to say it again (and again and again) but it is peoples refusal to take responsibility! Instead of saying, "man, I really haven't been working very hard on this relationship...I've let it go and it's suffered because of that" they say "f*ck it, I'll just find someone I don't have to work so hard to love". But the problem is, EVERYONE has their "hard to love" moments.

Too true, which is a shame and again makes me think that marriage isnt for me as I know im gona get annoyed with a partner and i can be very moody at times.

It seems there is an modern plan.Around mid 20's get married, have kids, stay together for a few more years then get a divorce and spend the rest of your time searching for someone that you really want to spend the rest of your life with.
Its like it all has to be condensed and done early whilst your young.Almost so you look good in the wedding photos!!

I dont mean to sound so negative.I want marriage to work out for everyone and i admire people who take time to choose the right partner and make a marriage last.

Bella Dea-You expalined it very well.

The key to a successful marriage is communication: Before and during the marriage. Laying it all out on the table before getting hitched leaves less room for suprises. Yes, you will always learn new things about your partner but I am talking about major stuff. A good example is "I play poker with the guys one Saturday of every month." Marriage shouldn't change that and it should be known that poker night isn't going anywhere so no one can be mad one saturday of every month because of it.

A good marriage is greater than either of the people involved. A bad marriage diminishes one or both of the people involved.

One of the great problems of modern marriage is that life in the Western World has become much easier than it used to be.

A woman-on-the-pill can survive without a breadwinner or someone to push that plow or manage her money.

The tricky part of Single Bliss is when you reach the far side of middle age and start accumulating aches and pains and eventually fatal ailments. The butterfly people who flitted from flower to flower during the "better" times begin finding themselves lonely for the "worse" moments.

Many people feel that "love" and "duty" are incompatible. These people often ruin other lives and then die alone.

Marriage is not perpetual passion. Marriage is a well-though out contract.

i believe the biggest problem is that people equate marriage and love. while i firmly believe you must be in love to get married, i don't believe that is the only thing you must have. You must have trust, honesty, communication, the ability to compromise, and a commitment to the institution of marriage itself.

before we got married, i told him specifically, if you ever feel as though you might stray from me, tell me first before the marriage is unsaveable-there is obviously something wrong and so we should try to fix it before the affair.

marriage has it up days and down days and i think bella said it best that when the down days happen, people just assume there is someone else out there that they wont have down days with and their life will be much easier. you have to work it just like everything else.

at the end of the day, i asked myself, in 50 years is this man gonna bend over and pick up my dentures after i accidentally spit them out? yes? ok let's get married.

What leads to marital discord and dissolution?

Mainly, lack of respect for your partner (either on the part of one or both parties to the marriage).

If you're being disrespected, that's a sure-fire way of losing that lovin' feeling for the person who is disrespecting you. It gets a person thinking: Do I really want to stay in a marriage with someone who disrespects me? (Why would you want to stay with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself? You end up feeling unloved, unappreciated, and alone.)

Marriages tend to last when partners respect each other and make each other feel good about themselves. It is easier to stay in love and remain physically and emotionally attracted to your spouse when he/she treats you with respect.

MG, I agree that many people get married for the wrong reasons... they believe marriage and even children will "fix" their relationships & somehow solve all their problems, which of course it doesn't.

I didn't marry until I was 35, partly because I knew I didn't want children. I also felt I wasn't emotionally stable enough, when I was younger, to act in a way that was to my own benefit in a long-term relationship... and I was right.

When I was younger, I wasn't able to control my actions well enough to be in a life-long relationship, one where my actions could haunt me 50 years later. I waited until I felt I was grown-up enough to control myself... and in my case that took a rather long time.

Why other people don't think this way is a mystery to me. You're right, you see an awful lot of people marrying early, having children, then realizing they've made a mistake & divorcing. It does seem like a pattern, sometimes.

I also agree that some young women seem to care more about how good they'll look in a wedding dress than what happens when the dress becomes jeans-and-sneakers.

I see the Bridal magazines in the stores & think this is a cultural thing... It seems marriage is painted as a perfect solution to life's problems, leading to disappointment when the wedding's over and being married leaves you (and your partner) just the same as you were before, with all the same character flaws and irritating habits.

If we can realize that marriage won't Fix anything, I think we'd all be a lot better off.

Boris Kitten--

I agree. The modern wedding is pitched as Queen For A Day. Marriage is the reason for the wedding. The actual ceremony isn't a sacrament or a secular contract but a glorious extravaganza focusing on a moment of highly costumed play-acting rather than a lifetime of reality.

Recently the local newspaper profiled a local minister who boasted that he'd married more than twenty couples on roller coasters.

Maybe the symbolism is that marriage has its ups and downs, but to my mind marrying on a roller coaster means when you exit the car, the ride is over.