Married 6 yrs.....problems

I just don't understand a husband who values his fun with online gaming buddies over his wife's happiness. My husband and I used to be into going out for tennis, kayaking, outdoor sports constantly until I got sick and needed a couple operations. During the year I couldn't do much he got hopelessly addicted to online gaming and he knows I feel like widow to it now and keeps doing it anyway. I put up with it for a long time but the new game has a higher (much) percentage of females in the game and yes, they DO talk a bit too personally at times. I feel some of these female gamers are more there to get attention than play a game. I think of them as a very clear and present danger myself.

You must HATE having to worry every time he's online. I can really sympathize with you my dear. I think our husbands are letting us down in this and I honestly don't know how to proceed myself. I hope you don't mind me replying even tho I am not much of a help other than to say you are not alone and let's talk more, maybe together we can come up with something?

*hugs*
Deedee

sad and lonely--

Would it be fair to say you see your husband as a former cheater who may well cheat again?

Also, that he sees you as a woman who lacks trust?

What do you two do together besides complain?

We do not do anything together. He doesn't like to do anything but play games. I have tried everything. I don't trust him because of things in the past. I did find out that they have been emailing each other and things got a lot out of hand. He says he will quit talking ot her if things change around here with me and him. How can they if we don't do anything together, and he keeps talking to her. I don't want a divorce.

Begin with basics.

If the two of you don't have a plan for spending some part of this holiday weekend together, make a plan.

Movies? Fireworks? Local festival? Parade?

There's lots going on.

Trust is earned. It's not a given.

Now there's a good post.







Although I have strong feelings about privacy of internet space. None of your business to be reading his emails.

It is your business that he is trustable, and you can tell that - by and large - in other ways than snooping.

..poor a cup of water into the back of the modem! :wink:

Haha, good plan.

I say, give him the 7 month old to look after while you play computer games.He'll soon change his tune.
Or try and make time to play a game with him if thats all he is interested in, at least youll be doing something together.

How far into the marriage did the original cheating occur and what was going on between you two prior to that?

I think it would be best to focus on the video game addiction, since that it was leads him to the temptation (or presumed temptation).

How to get him to stop that is beyond me, but as socrates once said, you can't hang out with diseased monkeys, and just DECIDE to not get the plague. You have to avoid the monkeys.

If he is succeptable to attraction to other women, then he needs to avoid areas where he will have to personal of contact with them.

Just my opinions, but I hope they may be helpful.

you described me as a husband right there with the games and all just like my carbon copy,if you had this happen before i dont think he should get offensive about you bring in it up beign he did it allready,so on that i am on your side.

as far as worrying i dont think you will change anything by checking him up or doing detective work ,it will only harm you,is not good for you, you should concentrate on your wellbeign and your kids and its hard but ,leave him alone and pray,if he is going to mess up its on him not you, if it happens cross that bridge when it comes.

you cannot change him, you can only change yourself.

i give you this advice because my wife has stopped worrying about if ill cheat on her or not,i know that it will be the last time if i do it she made it clear,but she is so in peace now that she dosent follow me around or checks on me,she does it if i make it ovious but not as much as before.she only worries about the kids and i see her change,she is less stressed ,less arguing,more healthy.

but i am no marriage counselor ,hope you can get something out of this :wink: