3
   

Does he like me as a friend or is there more to it?I

 
 
tnyaprl
 
Reply Tue 7 Jan, 2020 09:36 pm
I have a coworker that I've been working with for a few months now. He talks to very few people and am the only other female coworker he talks to. Even though we don't get to work together on a daily basis, he was able to develop some kind of rapport with me by initiating conversations once in a while.

We don't talk for hours, but somehow he feels that am the only person he can trust and can connect on personal level. He mentioned a couple of times that he admires my work ethic etc. and that he thinks of me as a friend than just coworker.

He trusts me and discusses his work issues and always tries to get my opinion for any important work related decisions. Am not sure if I can believe what he says, but he said he shares all of this major decision info with me but hardly mentioned any of it to his family members. One evening, it was just us ready to leave from work and he started conversation around his career goals. Later he started asking what I wanted to do and in the end said he would support me with that. I honestly didn't know why/how is he wanting to support me? I never initiate conversations with him and its always him who initiates.

There are few instances which make me question if this is just innocent friendly banter or if he likes me. He once messaged me at work and I had to leave abruptly. I followed up the next day and he said his friend and him were planning on going to movies that day and wanted to ask if I'd be interested in joining(he never asked me later though). He placed a bet with me and said whoever loses should take the other person out for lunch. I lost the bet, and so he sent an invite for lunch and told me to forward it to anyone else interested(he didn't include anyone in the invite but I could do so). I was out of town for Christmas weekend and he was wondering if I went by myself. I sometimes feel like he is just being friendly but sometimes wonder if there is anything more to it?

 
glitterbag
 
  3  
Reply Tue 7 Jan, 2020 10:57 pm
@tnyaprl,
Maybe he's just nosy or maybe he likes you. Or maybe he's picking your brain for guidance. I would suggest that you not disclose your personal ambitions or a job you might be interested in. Years ago I was approached by a friend who urged me to take a job in a different organization (same agency), I wasn't interested but she persisted and I (stupidly) remarked that I thought there would be a position opening up to work with a manager who would probably be retiring in a few years and I thought I could learn a lot and possibly take over the team when and if he retired. She knew the man who was applying for the Branch Chief job (which was open) and he did come on board and removed the manager who was the expert and gave her that job. She pounced on my ambition because I foolishly informed her of a path that I was interested in. Be helpful, but don't sabotage your own career.
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Wed 8 Jan, 2020 02:16 pm
Glitterbags observance has merit. This guy likes your work ethic, wants to know everything about you, and may be watching you if you get promoted before him. Is that a possibility?

Otherwise, if he’s interested in you socially, he sure is “vetting “ you. Like you are applying for the job of earning his affection. If you like overly cautious men, then You can participate.

Since it’s never wise to date workmates, keep your distance. My bet is that he’s curious if you are going to surpass him at work.

Let us know.
tnyaprl
 
  0  
Reply Wed 8 Jan, 2020 07:24 pm
@PUNKEY,
Not really. He is a newbie and way less experienced than me, he knows that he cant surpass me. His words

"Admire your dedication towards work, patience towards fellow workers, behavior under pressure and so much more. This is what qualifies you for a leadership role in my eyes. Stay same always, don't let the bad effect you or your skills. You are more of a friend than just a coworker"

And when I invited him for my housewarming party, he was the only one person who was nice enough to say to say, be safe and take care of yourself.

Sometimes I wonder whether he is genuinely a nice person who is nice to everyone who treats him well or if he is just interested in me so pretends to be nice to me?

0 Replies
 
tnyaprl
 
  0  
Reply Wed 8 Jan, 2020 07:26 pm
@glitterbag,
Point taken. Yeah unsure if he is just being nosy or just likes me. I'd have to admit that his decency just impresses me sometimes, but dont want to approach him if he is a genuinely nice human being who is just being nice.
glitterbag
 
  2  
Reply Wed 8 Jan, 2020 10:08 pm
@tnyaprl,
Fine, I just recommend offering career advice only. It would be unwise to share what your plans are......for several reasons....One, he might share your information with someone who would have comparable experience and Two, don't hand out information that could sabotage your own career. Keep it close to your vest.
tnyaprl
 
  0  
Reply Thu 9 Jan, 2020 05:54 pm
@glitterbag,
Agreed. Thanks glitterbag.
0 Replies
 
Olivier5
 
  2  
Reply Fri 17 Jan, 2020 05:06 am
@tnyaprl,
Quote:
 I'd have to admit that his decency just impresses me sometimes, but dont want to approach him if he is a genuinely nice human being who is just being nice.

Why yes, you should always stay away from genuinely nice human beings, for fear that their niceness rub off on you.
0 Replies
 
Eichel572
 
  0  
Reply Fri 17 Jan, 2020 05:29 am
Why indeed, you ought to consistently avoid really decent individuals, for dread that their delightfulness come off on you.
0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  -1  
Reply Fri 17 Jan, 2020 06:05 am
@glitterbag,
glitterbag wrote:

Fine, I just recommend offering career advice only. It would be unwise to share what your plans are......for several reasons....One, he might share your information with someone who would have comparable experience and Two, don't hand out information that could sabotage your own career. Keep it close to your vest.


Must be great fun to go through life being that paranoid an acting like you are living in the former USSR.and with any co-worker is likely out to knife you in the back.
BillRM
 
  0  
Reply Fri 17 Jan, 2020 08:12 am
@BillRM,
BillRM wrote:

glitterbag wrote:

Fine, I just recommend offering career advice only. It would be unwise to share what your plans are......for several reasons....One, he might share your information with someone who would have comparable experience and Two, don't hand out information that could sabotage your own career. Keep it close to your vest.


Must be great fun to go through life being that paranoid an acting like you are living in the former USSR.and with any co-worker is likely out to knife you in the back.


From the votes down we must have some members of the former USSR posting here...LOL.

Thinking back over the years however I had run into a few people who stated that he or she was surprise that my department co-workers an I was so willing to share information needed to look good doing the department work as if we needed to worry that our positions would be at risk if we allow new hires to look too good.

Hell in my 33 years in my career I was lucky enough to run only into one gentleman who try to play that kind of game an try to used share information to knife me in the back. Very very annoying given that I was one of two employees that lobby to get the man hired on as a permanent employee.

Thanks all you paranoid posters for bringing back old memories

0 Replies
 
 

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