Reply Thu 26 Dec, 2019 08:53 pm
My husband was speaking to his brother on speakerphone while I was standing near by. My husband informed his brother that he would be going to my mother’s home with me and my family for Christmas dinner. The brother, not realizing he was on speaker, proceeded to say: ‘Don’t say nothing about it but watch what you eat.’ My husband responded nervously: ‘We will talk about it later.’ I patiently waited until they ended their phone call. I then said to my husband “you know I heard him right?” My husband, in my opinion, was not going to say anything to me and hoped that I did not hear what I just heard. My husband then stated ‘oh you’re taking this out of context, don’t read anything into what he said.’ That set me off more because at this point I feel disrespected by my husband. My husband is very close to his brother and knows that his brother isn’t my cup of tea. After basically arguing for most of the night, my husband finally agreed to call the brother the next morning, putting him back on speakerphone and asked him what he meant by the earlier statement. This time, the brother knew that I was on speaker as well. Of course he fixed up some cute little excuse to say he was just concerned about his stomach issues. I didn’t buy it and I’m so furious that my husband chose to believe the BS that he was served. I feel that he places his brother’s feelings above mine and that he could care less that I’m hurt. I find it very disrespectful that they could go on the next day laughing and talking as if nothing ever happened. This is a form of disrespect and he would rather ensure that his brother’s feelings are intact and let me, as his wife, suffer am I wrong?
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Reply Thu 26 Dec, 2019 09:02 pm
I tried to read this story two times from your point of view. Each time I read it I end up feeling sorry for your husband.

I think you took this way out of context. If you felt disrespected you could have expressed this in an adult way without interfering with his relationship with his brother. If I feel disrespected by my partner, I mention it and take responsibility for my own feelings. You can acknowledge your feelings without turning it into a fight.

Forcing him to call his brother the next day was a ridiculous thing for you to have done. I think you are in the wrong here.
Reply Fri 27 Dec, 2019 06:12 am
I appreciate you.
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Reply Fri 27 Dec, 2019 06:36 am
Yes - you are wrong.

You are making a mountain out of a molehill.

I see why your husband said
We will talk about it later.
simply by how you are handling this. It seems your husband was trying to spare you from feeling hurt by his brother's childish comments.

You say he has a close relationship with his brother - well let me tell you --- in these sorts of relationships boys will be boys. They probably have an inside joke that your mom is not the best cook. Now this may or may not be true. These two brothers are resorting back to their childhood when they acted like kids and this is some perhaps in bad taste joke. It is not meant to be hurtful they are just being a bit childish, but it in a weird sense keeps them bonded which is actually (in an odd sort of way) really nice. Let them have this boys will be boys relationship and realize what it is. It makes your husband happy and it really is kind of sweet to be so close to someone.

Honestly it was a stupid thing to argue about. Save your arguments for something important. And just consider that your husband is kind enough to try to spare your feelings because he knows this comment from his brother is simply that a silly childish joke.

Everyone is different - some people have thick skin and others do not - seems your husband probably grew up where you say things like --- Your mother wears army boots -- all meant in good fun. And you likely grew up completely different where maybe you never said anything mean at all as a joke. I really do not see at all how he disrespected you - but then again I grew up with all brothers so had I been in your situation I would have probably laughed with them.

Reply Fri 27 Dec, 2019 10:01 am
Thank you for your feedback.
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