Parents hate my ex HELP!

Why is your parents' approval so important to you, MrBob? How old are you?

17, its important because im very close to my parents and respect their feelings, also because i believe they know whats best for me. Its not like they have anything to gain by telling me this girl is selfish...so why not care what they think?

And trust me, this isnt like any other 17 yr old young love thing...weve been together and been through more then most married couples 30 yrs and older. That plus i would not hesitate to say im more mature mentally then many adults. So please dont speak to me like i am young and dumb.

Maybe the see something you don't, from a different, though certainly not from an older and more mature perspective. Sorry, but that really is an age when parents are the dumbest people on earth. They might wise up as you get older.

right but do u think i should continue to see her...i mean honestly they dont know the real her, theyve just said hi and wutever...so i want them to really know her, but i gotta make sure im not out for another dissapointment

Parents who have watched a much-loved son gain 16 years of experience in a 4 year love affair should be excused from wanting their son to be spared further trauma.

Your last breakup was six months ago. You were upset:



Believe me, they noticed--big time. You may have missed their great sighs of relief, but they were relieved. Now they are thinking, "Deju vu, all over again.



Have you neglected anything in the turmoil of romance? School work? Chores at home? Other frends? School activities? Out-of-school activities? How much has this exhausting love taken from the rest of your life?

Or has this Grand Romance been your entire extra-curricular life?

Just what makes this girl/woman so special? Do you share goals? Life styles? Dream? Or are you drifting back to her because with all her faults she represents security?

Can you convince us that this girl/woman is more than just security?

o definalty...ya and it hasnt taken away from school or social life...i still work 17 hours on my saturdays with the ambulance...it keeps me goin, do well in school. I like her because shes always there when i need someone to talk 2, and we are always there for eachother, very close, we have a relationship thats just really close and special.

So far you haven't convinced me. What makes her so special?

y do i need to convince you and anyway, to be honest i cant...cant think of a way that would do my feelings about her any justice

Because you asked to be treated like an adult. Put up or shut up.

i did put up, i explained to you that i cant...when you can put into words what it feels like when you love someone, you let me know.

Mr. Bob--

Adults can describe feelings.

You didn't post on A2K for advice. You wanted affirmation.

Listen to your parents.

are you married or have somone special close to you...if so, you try to convince me because your an "adult" why you love them

There was no need to get defensive with me, MrBob. I asked your age for a very good reason. Parental approval is ten times more important at your age than it will be when you are 27, and it's even less necessary for most people's psychic wellbeing at 37. That's just normal. I wasn't speaking to you like you are "young and dumb." I just needed to know if your need for parental approval was age-appropriate before forming an opinion about your situation. Understand?

Now.

It's good that you respect your parents' feelings and are aware that they want the best for you. Undoubtedly they have watched you suffer through previous breakups with this girl and don't want to see you hurt again. It's that simple.

To be very frank, WE'VE watched you suffer, too. And we don't want to see you go through all that again. You guys don't have the most solid track record, you know.

The important thing is what YOU want....not what we want or what your parents want. If you think you can make it work this time, go for it. It would be better to be hurt again than to live with the regret of not trying.

But be aware...for now and in the future...that once you've been through a breakup with anyone and told people about it, those people will never be particularly enthusiastic if you get back together. It's much easier for YOU to get past the issues that caused the break-up than it will be for anyone else. That goes for friends as well as relatives. Expect it.

And best of luck this time!

Noddy I think you are being a might bit hard on the lad.

Mr.Bob,

Two pieces of advice for you...

1) Act your age.
2) Make Mistakes Enthusiastically.

The first advice is to remember you are 17. You shouldn't forget that in your relationships with either romantic partners or your parents.

Seventeen is a time to start taking responsibility for your life and your decisions. It sounds like you understand this.

But, In 13 years or so you will understand that it is quite a bit different than being 30. I must admit those of us who have been both 17 and 30 find it funny to hear a 17 year old say he has been through what 30 year olds have experienced. But I understand the feeling. After all I was 17 once.

Obviously no one on this forum is in a position to tell you what to do in this specific situation. You should obviously listen to what your parents have to say. A good relationship and good communication with your parents is a very good thing.

But ultimately in some things you will disagree with your parents. And part of being seventeen is figuring out how your identity-- especially in what ways you will follow your upbringing and in what ways you will differ.

This brings me to my second piece of advice - Make mistakes enthusiastically. If you are going to make this decision-- especially if your parents disagree-- do it fully, and accept... no.. enjoy... the consequences good or bad.

And I promise you, when you are 30, you will understand a lot better. But don't rush it. You get to be 30 one year at a time. Fortunately there is no other way.

<high five to ebrown!>

i understand what you guys are saying, and i appreciaite the advice...im glad i have people there for me. I just wanted to say, i wasnt being defensive before i just wanted to throw that information out there because im really not like ur average 17 yr old...id get into it some other time but thats not wut this post is about. But thanks again for all the help...and noddy, im still waiting for your convincing post.

MrBob--

I see no reason to discuss my marriage for your education. You are committing a very common logical fallacy--and I won't play.

eBrown--

I have little patience with a kid who wants a "discussion" in which everyone will tell him what a fine young man/lover/son he is.

Mr. Bob says "she's always there for me"--but he doesn't want to think or talk about last December.

People who ignore history are doomed to repeat it.

hm....i never said i didnt want to discuss it. I will be happy to discuss it. We broke up because she was busy with school and needed time because she was very stressed. Between december and now, things were on thin ice, and i will accept blame for them because i was too impatient about waiting. But things have changed and now we want to try again. I know my history with my ex gf and am well-aware of it.

And trust me, im far from a fine young man, son, lover. I have much to learn, however, you do as well and need to realize that i was seeking advice. But i would rather not have it from someone who chooses to be critical of my feelings towards someone i care very much about when they dont even know me personally.

Thank you for all who kept an open mind. As for noddy, i suggest you grow up a little, i may be a "kid" in your eyes, but you're acting childish in mine.

btw, thank you for your valuable advice ebrown. I greatly appreciate it and will definatly take it into consideration.