need help on visitation that is only agreed upon by both parties

Me and my ex wife started dating at the age of 18 and 19. one day she did not feel safe going home so we went to one of her friends houses. that night her father broke into that house and took her from it. I called the cops and he was arrested. We then went to another one of her friends houses and stayed there for a few weeks until my ex wife got into a fight with her mother and drank too much. I took care of her the entire night but when morning came she still didn't feel well so she called her grandparents and went home to her grandparents because she had a restraining order against her father. I was not allowed to go home because my family was not as well kept together as hers. She came from a rich family and over the years she would come back to where-ever i was at and stay with me for a short amount of time until her parents or grandparents would bribe her to leave me for a little and at one point we had a child and moved into an apartment. We moved into a house that house that her grandfather bought but because of the past i could not give 100% to the marriage constantly. I had already given up all of my friends and my family had turned my back on me as well. Our daughter eventually went to live with my ex wife's parents while we went on again and off again because every time i didn't give her enough attention she would start talking to other men. Eventually she made a sex video while we were married and when i viewed it it was devastating to me as a person. My daughter was 3 at the time and had been at her grandparents for about 2 years at this point. We went to court and since i did not have the money for a lawyer at the time and she had paid for a $5000 dollar lawyer they destroyed me in court and i did not know enough about the law to get the video evidence i had of adultery in the court case. The loss of the court case was so much that i started giving up because i felt like nothing i could do would every allow me to compete against that kind of money and home life. over the next five years we would end up talking once a year usually and try to work on things. the last two times over the last two years she had said that he wanted to work on things and that she had broken up with her boyfriend and i was thrilled to try to work on things since i had started moving past the cheating but soon both times i found out it was just a lie and she was still with her boyfriend. Now my daughter has just turned 9 and i have been fighting very hard to see her more and more and try to make a plan for having her eventually spend the night so that i can be in my daughters life because over the course of the years i felt hopeless and didn't think my time was worth anything to give and i was very wrong. I don't know what to do or how to proceed other than trying to go to court. They have said that my daughter does not want to spend the night with me and all I am trying to get is a plan for her to eventually stay the night so that i can be there more for my daughter. Am i wrong to ask for a plan like this? What should i do? Our custody agreement only states that visitation is allowed only if it is agreed upon by both parties but it is more of an i ask for days and i get very little. I have seen my daughter for 6.5 hours one time and normally i only see her 5 hours or less a day at most 2 days a week. What should I ask for and what will help me in this situation?