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Tue 21 Jun, 2005 03:21 pm
ive been here a couple times, posted some problems that i have had. recently, i pursued a "relationship" with a guy that i have known for about a year and a half now. i had a big crush on him awhile ago and was always flirting, but i was with someone else, so i never went after him. but recently, ive found myself falling more and more for this guy. i told him what i wanted ... you know the simple things like not wanting to get hurt, wanting to be able to trust, things like that. and he understood. we had sex....and i just recently found out that although he had told me all those things and seemed to understand where iw as coming from, im just a long term booty call for him. he told me that he liked me, alot, and that i was what hes been looking for. and then a friend of mine, who was friends with him, was talking to him through text messaging and i read one of the messages and he was telling her how much he regreted not kissing HER and being with HER. where did i go wrong here or all men just in it for the sex??? i had this same problem last year...whats my problem? please help me...
--shanaynay
to answer your question..... no, just yours.
There is an old saying: "Treat 'em mean and keep 'em keen.
For some obscure reason, it is not uncommon for some women to be attracted to total B*stards. The worse the B*stard treats his women, the more attractive he becomes.
Total mystery to me, really.
I'd concentrate on the nice guys, if I were you.
I hope some of the 'men' here respond to this from their perspective when they were 16 or 17 years old.
Hi Shanaynay, I'm glad to see you again. I hope things are going better for you, other than butt head boyfriends.
I think many teenaged guys are looking for sex. I also think they are attracted to girls outside of sex, but not at the emotional level that girls are attracted to them. Girls want to feel an emotional connection to her sexual partners, they're willing to make love but not necessarily have casual sex. I'm not sure the guys your age are capable of that kind of connection but they are definately capable of casual sex.
My short answer to your question, Are all men just in it for the sex? No. Most young men are though.
Ok, A2K guys, when you were a teenager, was it all about sex?
J-B is talking sense.
Many guys your age would far rather be known as studs than as sensitive, caring individuals.
You've had two studs/duds--and you've learned a few things. You know that a guy is not the answer to loneliness. Better to sit home with a good book than be a convenient piece of meat.
You have the courage to go slow. If a guy won't accept a leisurely courtship, ditch him. Explain that you've been hurt in the past and you don't intend to be hurt again. You can't erase the past, but you don't have to repeat the past, either.
Did you have an "Only You" agreement with your present stud? Or did you just assume that he would feel the way that you did?
it wasnt an "only you" thing but he told me how he felt about me, and was talking about how im the only girl that hes with and blah blah blah blah blah.
well it seems that your man is just in it for the sex. by trying hard to get another girl in addition to you makes him seem desperate and really interested in sex. more than most guys i'd say. he isn't going to change but in my opinion most men/boys aren't like him.
J_B wrote:I hope some of the 'men' here respond to this from their perspective when they were 16 or 17 years old.
Hi Shanaynay, I'm glad to see you again. I hope things are going better for you, other than butt head boyfriends.
I think many teenaged guys are looking for sex. I also think they are attracted to girls outside of sex, but not at the emotional level that girls are attracted to them. Girls want to feel an emotional connection to her sexual partners, they're willing to make love but not necessarily have casual sex. I'm not sure the guys your age are capable of that kind of connection but they are definately capable of casual sex.
My short answer to your question, Are all men just in it for the sex? No. Most young men are though.
Ok, A2K guys, when you were a teenager, was it all about sex?
They're perfectly capable of both, and they want both, but they
really want sex.
Most animal species are divided in male and female individuals for one reason: more successful procreation. Thus one might state that sex is at the core of every man-woman relationship. Men are genetically predisposed to be unfaithful bastards and impregnate as many women as they possibly can and women are genetically predisposed to love bastards (in order to have offspring that will also be genetically successful bastards).
Does this mean you should accept bastard behaviour? Heck no, drop the bastard fast and drop him hard. Perhaps he will learn something.
if you want a guy that ist totaly after sex look at the the guy nobody cares about the unseex are usualy more afectionet than you think. I know this for a fact because im one of them. i wont say all but most popular people are rude basterds.
I have to agree with Lord Ellpus.
30+ years ago back in high school I didn't have too many dates, but the guys who were the biggest jerks had to beat off the girls with sticks.
Perhaps in addition to asking why so many guys are bastards, the question should also be asked why so many gals ignore the decent guys, and flock to the bastards.
Because we are attracted to people with self-confidence and success, they make us feel special, which is the problem, because people with low self-esteem are attracted to people that are self-confident.
Self-confidence--or smoldering anger--make the loser come across like an Alpha Male, a guy who can take on the world to protect his woman.
Unfortunately these psudo-Alphas are flawed and the girls/women who aspire to reflected Alpha-dom are emotionally naive and guided by their hormones.
igotaq wrote:if you want a guy that ist totaly after sex look at the the guy nobody cares about the unseex are usualy more afectionet than you think. I know this for a fact because im one of them. i wont say all but most popular people are rude basterds.
If you play your cards right, I would be interrested. :wink:
Noddy24 wrote:are emotionally naive and guided by their hormones
Right on the mark, Noddy!
And it doesn't help that (a) too often, their mothers are poor role models (as regards choice of boyfriend/mate), and (b) TV/movies/magazines/Rock "Music" as well exalt the wrong type of guy as being "sexy"/desirable.
In this society, for the average kid, wisdom is as hard to find as the end of the rainbow.
Noddy24 wrote:Self-confidence--or smoldering anger--make the loser come across like an Alpha Male, a guy who can take on the world to protect his woman.
Unfortunately these psudo-Alphas are flawed and the girls/women who aspire to reflected Alpha-dom are emotionally naive and guided by their hormones.
Nodding at Noddy's words.
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