AFFAIR WITH A MARRIED MAN??

I'm warning everyone in advance that this is a long story. I'm writing it here as much to re-assess this myself as to tell anyone else so either bear with me or don't bother reading on. It all started when the family moved into our neighbourhood a year ago. The wife in this story (Lisa)is very nice but also very pushy and always in your face, asking you to take care of the kids (2 boys- Josh and Mitch) for a little while or something or other so I very quickly got to know them all very well. The husband (Rick) and I got on very well right from the start and the kids very soon grew to love me as well. So far, all happy right? Until what I would call a few strange things started to happen.Lisa asked me if I would go to a business dinner with Rick so that he had someone to go with as she couldnt be there. I reluctantly said yes as I found it rather wierd but was by now a good friend of Rick. We had a great time - nothing happened, we just had a great time. There were a few nights like that and finally one night we were joking about something and Rick asked if I could be trusted. Not exactly thinking along the same lines as he was, I joked that it depended on the situation. Rick replied that he didn't trust himself sometimes and looked at me and immediately the meaning became clear. Feeling uncomfortable I suggested that Mr "I dont trust myself" and I should go home and we did that. The next week I met Ricks sister. She seemed like a very nice, very perceptive woman. That evening Rick, Lisa, the kids, the sister and I were all mucking around and I tripped over his feet. I apologised and laughed at his expression. His sister looked at me and said "Keep it mean, keep him keen" and I jokingly laughed. She said "No" and repeated it. I felt like I was in an episode of the twilight zone. Maybe she meant it? Maybe she didnt like Lisa? I didnt know. Another night shortly after I was sitting at dinner with some other family members of Ricks and Ricks father suggested that marraige doesnt always last forever. He looked at me and then Rick. I was now officially freaked out. That weekend Rick was sitting near me watching his son play footy and began massaging my leg. I kept saying to myself "I shouldnt let him do that" but i was enjoying it and didnt stop it. Then the text messages and under the breath comments started that were teasing and flirtitous but not obnoxiously so. I felt terrible because I knew I was falling for the guy even knowing that he was doing this behind his wifes back - what kind of a person does that? What kind of a person allows him to do that to her knowing all that?? One day I got a message saying that he wanted to meet up and talk. I thought we'd better. At this point I was feeling like crap. I knew I had feelings for this person and that I shouldnt have and didnt even realise how I could knowing he was a married guy doing the wrong thing. So we got together and talked . He asked me how it was possible that he couldnt stop thinking about me. It was driving him nuts. He admitted he loved his wife and had nothing to offer me but that the situation was not resolving itself by ignoring it. Because he was being honest I decided I should be too. I told him that yes, I had felt it too but that it wasnt right. That he had everything to lose and that I didnt think I was the sort of person to have an affair. We'd just agreed that we should stop anything from happening right then and there when he kissed me. Im ashamed to say it was an incredible moment. Rick wants to explore it. I do too but am terrified of the repercussions. How can I feel like Im in love with someone that has openly told me that he wants an affair that his wife is never to know about as he loves her and has no intention of ever leaving her? How can someone who has only ever slept with the man she was engaged to (before he cheated on me and we broke up) consider jumping into bed with a man who she knows only thinks that much of her? I dont feel like I know myself anymore. Please feel free to berate me all you like.