Having an Affair with a Married Woman

Been trolling the net for hours trying to find answers to my dilemma. Hoping to seek solace with similar stories, but have yet to find anything. Found this site and am hoping to get some concrete advice. My friends are sick of hearing about my affair and the problems it entails, so I am asking others for help.

I met a married woman on Lavalife's intimate section in August of 2003. I wasn't looking for a married woman... she sent me an e-mail and pursued me. We met after talking on the phone and exchanging e-mails for close to a month. We began a "relationship" before anything sexual started. He husband works full time, she has 2 teenage daughters and is a homemaker. She felt unfulfilled emotionally, she said. She never discussed sex with me regarding her husband. She new to keeps some things under wraps. The first day we met for lunch, we went back to my place and had some explosive sex. I figured it was a one-off deal... it wasn't. We immediately fell for each other in the ensuing months. She told her brother and sister about us. She was either nuts or proud of our relationship. We broke up a few times... mostly because she saw me back on Lava trolling for dates. I figured, hey... you're married, why can't I still look around. I guess I did it to make her jealous. It worked.

Flash forward 1 year and 6 months. We have seen each other practically every week, once a week for a few hours. It's illicit, it's fun, it's fueled with raw emotion and passion. I am in love, lust, whatever you want to call it. I think of her every minute of every day. She feels the same way. Then one evening, she gets a major case of the guilts and tells her husband all. I think he found out on his own because she was taking chances... arriving home late, not answering her cell, being elusive with him. Anyways, she tells me it's over for good. She's not leaving him for me. Why should she? He makes $400,000.00 a year and I make $40,000.00. Then again, we are in California and she gets half even if she's caught cheating.

This went down 3 months ago. I thought I'd be able to get over it. Nope. I feel depressed, sick, tired, angry, hurt, you name it. She's first in my thoughts in the morning, last on my mind at bedtime. Then she ae-mails me out of the blue 2 weeks ago, asking how I am. She tells me she misses me. Asks to see me. Iamb not sure what to think. I'm clearly not over her. But I play it cool. Make a long story short, we saw each other again and made love. She told me not to expect anything more than friendship when she arrived. Funny thing is, I asked to see her at a public restaurant. She suggested my place, instead.

I called her on her way home from my house after the deed was done that afternoon. She seemed aloof and distant. Obviously, the nasty guilt-monster attacked her early this time. I'm afraid to call her back. We haven't e-mailed each other or called each other. What's worse than a broken heart? An uncertain one. What do I do now? Lay low until she calls? Play hard to get? It's been almost two weeks.

Bottom line. I love her and can't shake her from my mind. Do I walk away? Hope for the best and call her? What do I say? What do I do? Please help! I am slowly losing my mind.

Greg