Good advice, as usual, from jespah.
Tossing in random questions/thoughts/observations.
jes is right about making her commit to making x amount of dollars on etsy. Some days, weeks, months are just better than others.
I sell stuff online, and some months I literally make 4 times as much as others. It's not something I count on for running the household. It's more like an emergency fund.
Is that what she is making a month now? If she is, is she spending that money on extras?
I am in agreement with you that since the kids are at school during the day, she has the time to be bringing in extra cash.
You'd like her to bring in $1500 a month for 25 hours a week. That's $15 an hour.
Something I do are lunch/meal delivery gigs.
I'm retired, and refuse to get up early, so it's ideal.
One place I work daily, picking up food from 1 or 2 restaurants, and delivering them to 3 or 4 businesses. I make my first pickup at 11:20, and 90% of the time I'm done by 1pm. For that I make $33 for about and hour and a half of work.
Then, if I have no appointments in the afternoon, and I feel like working, I switch on my Grubhub app and do that for a couple more hours. I don't accept pickups for less than $8, and I usually get 2 an hour. Every day is different, but today I did 3 for $13, $14, and $9.50. So like 36 bucks.
$69 for the day with no stress, wearing whatever I felt like, could stop or continue whenever I wanted.
If you live in a urban area, that's typical.
I like that I don't have to be someonewhere to work on someone else terms, like in a office. I'm female, and have never felt unsafe. During the day, it's mostly delivering to people at work.
I mention this because maybe it's the restrictive aspect of having to be in a formal workplace she doesn't want. Doing gigs to me are no pressure.
Again agreeing with Jes, a divorce would screw you financially.
She won't go to you to a counselor. Does she share with you what's going on?
The kids are off at school, soon they'll be even more independent in high school, and then off to college. What is going to her SAHM status then?
How mature are your children? Could they even drive around with her after school and be trusted not to jump out of the car when she makes stops?
I'm not a mother, but I certainly wouldn't consider it child abuse to tell your kids they could do their homework in the car for an hour while I drove around making a few bucks.
Do you think she really cares that you're working yourself sick?
In the time she's home and the kids are in school, what is she doing? Not making light of it like she's sitting around eating bon bons. Just seems with some adjustments she could make some time.
What does she sell on etsy?
Is it something she could do in the evening?