May-December Romances

Yeah, like you were joking after I offered. (freak-o)

Sanctuary - have just read through this thread. I'm really sorry that your dad is not there and your mother's not more emotionally available to you. Sixteen is a hard age to be going it pretty much alone - but maybe that's why you seem so mature - you've had to grow up faster than a lot of girls your age. That might also be why you are attracted to and feel more comfortable with someone who is older than you. Teen-age concerns can seem pretty petty and silly when you're pretty much taking care of your own needs.

I have a similar story. When I was seventeen - I was seeing someone who was 25. I say seeing - we both knew we liked each other - but he just wouldn't cross that line- because I was seventeen. My parents knew him-he was attending our church because he was attending graduate school nearby. My parents knew I like him and he liked me - but they didn't allow me to be with him alone - and he pretty much abided by that. When I turned l8 - they were overjoyed to have me dating a man like him - they saw him as being hardworking, intelligent, kind and knew that he had a lot of integrity. Perfect marriage material. Funny thing is - when I turned l8, he asked me not to go to the college of my choice, transfer to the college he was doing an assistantship at, and marry him.
I had thought that this was exactly what I always wanted. But when the time came, I wasn't so sure. Luckily, I said no - I wanted at least one year of a "typical" college experience (dorms, parties, new friends etc.). So I went away to college - we corresponded for a while - I think we saw each other that first Christmas - but I was having the time of my life and he was ready to get married. We were at two different points in our lives so eventually our relationship just died. He married someone else, and eventually so did I.

I tell you all this to let you know that it's not bad or unusual to love someone who is not your own age. But he should not be having sex with you - and he's putting you both at risk if he is. Your story might turn out totally different than mine did - you might end up with him and live happily ever after. Just keep in mind that there's a lot of growth and fun for you to have in the next few years and you might end up regretting it if you make choices and decisions that limit your opportunities.

In terms of telling your mom - I can't advise you either way - not knowing your mom. It sounds like you're at least as smart as she is :wink: so just remember not to do anything that would limit your choices. You're a smart girl who's made it through a rough childhood - you deserve to have the most wonderful future. Don't let anything or anyone hold you back from that. Good luck.

Just want to add - in terms of telling your mother - if you think that you will eventually be in a long-term serious relationship with this guy - and your mother finds out after the fact that it's been going on for years behind her back - she will probably be really hurt and it will color how she looks at you and him in the future.

As with any lie or secret - every day you perpetuate it - makes it harder to tell the truth. From reading your first post - you seem to feel guilty about being dishonest. I'm the same way - it's hard for me to lie and I hate doing it. You will feel better if you are truthful - whatever your mother's response. And you might not have such free access to this guy - but at least you'll know inside that you told the truth- and the whole relationship will seem less of a problem and less sordid - it it's all above board. Maybe part of the reason you feel that the relationship is wrong is because you have to lie about it. Just something to think about.

i think we would railroad a man 25-27 with a 16 year old for three reasons---

1. your typical 16 year old which we would assume he was with isn't ready to be in a relationship with a 25 year old man. she would assume they were going to be together FOREVER and get married and live happily ever after (which is not the case here-sanc has said she is aware it may work, it may not).

2. because we would not have any knowledge of that 16 year old, where as here we have many posts by a 16 year old that we all seem to agree is extremely mature for her age (for seemingly unfortunate reasons.)

3. the younger party is always assumed to be taken advantage of, not the older party. i mean how many of us said, he's taking advantage of you to sanc? we hardly ever think, oh 16 year old is using a 25 y.o. and going to corrupt him.

it is difficult to fathom that a man at that age could even relate to a 16 year old and have intelligent conversations with her and for that reason, we would railroad him not knowing the whole story, making assumptions. We know here that sanc is capable of having these conversations and being mature about it so since our fear is naturally over her involvement, not his, we are not railroading her.

that said, i am not here saying you go girl, go get him, yet i do believe that sanc is well aware of what could happen in this situation and logically understands, so i hope that whatever may happen she grows as a person because of it.

I don't know what to say about telling your mother. if you truly believe she has your best interests at heart and is in a position to help you with that, tell her. i guess i would have to know more about your relationship with your mother and her in general to offer that advice. i would have told my mother, but i was one who needed to be stopped from being with an older man, as i was your typical teenage girl (and would have thought it made me cooler to be with an older guy).

ironically here...i married a younger man

you dirty ol' lady you!! haha!
( im only joking ;-) )
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You say in your post that one of the reasons a 25 yr old boy shouldnt want to be with a 16 yr old girl is because they wouldnt have very much intellictual common ground to stand on...

Last time i talked with a 25 year old, I truly didnt see much diffrence between them and a teenager.

( ohh boy, I dont mean that insulting to anyone who is reading this )
It is true that women mature faster in the younger part of thier lives then men do. So couldnt it actually be a great junction? Having a younger girl/ older boy?

It depends, SheWolf. A lot of the gals at my school have no interests in anything but music, fashion and other boys. I don't think that can be compatable with a 25 year old who's out of school, living in the real world, dealing with financial, political, moral, spiritual and more "important" issues. However I do have an interest in actual..conversations. He has his own political party which I am involved in, I design the website for his own business and I'll soon be helping him organize a lot of paperwork having to do with his Buddhist classes that he teaches locally. We've once sat for five hours having a conversation about Quantum Physics, worm holes and other odditys in our world. Countless other times have our conversations taken other more intellectual turns. It excludes me from having absolutely anything in common with the people at my school or my age, but also gravitates me towards older people - men and women - who are able to speak about these things.

I do think that some women mature faster, and many men are immature. But it can be vise-versa as well, just depends I guess. There's always exceptions.

Aidan, thanks. I get what you're saying, I do. Like I said, we're not having sex right now. We're being legally mindfull, obviously it is the last thing I want to get him in legal trouble; so we try to keep safe.

Why would he get in legal trouble?

I was considering what you'd said when saying that.

i don't think i even have conversations about this now...

and yes i am a cradle robber!!! not really he is only 2 years younger than me. he was 22 and i was 24 when we met, and i don't think even once we have talked about quantum physics let alone worm holes!

women do mature faster than men (at least in my experience), but there is something about fending for yourself completely that changes you which would be the main difference i think between a 25 y.o and a 16 y.o. there is nothing like having to eat ramen noodles until your next paycheck because they are 6 for a $1 at the store. :wink:

But you said you didn't get involved until you were 16 -- and that the age of consent in your state was 16.

I do think that there are some over-lying laws though; meaning if my mom felt the need to prosecute him, the national age of consent is age 18 and he could be charged according to that.

-shrug- I don't know, honestly. I hope to never find out.

This thread is great. Thank you for all of your words of support!

I'm a guy in my late 20s and I love dating teenage girls for all the reasons stated in this post.

Teenage girls are great. I have a few of them now. I just play the right music, spout a little new age or eastern religions stuff (some seem fascinated by Buddhism or Taoism, etc) or other alternative philosophies based on the ideas the girls are trying to rebel from, do a couple other fairly easy things, and they just fall in love---bam.

They compare me to guys their own age and of course there is no comparison. I've learned stuff and matured beyond where the teenage guys are capable of at this time.

Teenage girls are so much more fun than older women too. They just love me and appreciate me and make little or no demands. The older women can get too demanding.

So Sanctuary I think you are right on, you go girl! Love this guy more and more!

I'm all for this May-December Romance thing. I'll keep dating teenage girls as long as possible.

They are so easy to work with! Easy and fun too--I can say pretty much anything-- and they just eat it up! I just tell them some romantic stuff and I am very nice and romantic and loving and it just works like a charm, much better than with older women. They still get the romance! :wink:

Props for May-December Romances! Yay!

You go girls. You are all great. You are right on. And so mature too! And sexxxxay too! Yay for May-December Romances!

tcis:-

You will be burned out before you can say "up your trouser leg with a feather duster".

I know what you mean though but for the long haul,which is what you want really, you do definitely need mature ladies who know what you're up to rather than tarted up monkeys who don't.

One can get sick of trashing weak opposition.That's why people don't steal out of prams.