May-December Romances

No point reading any further.If you lie to your nearest and dearest you might blow our heads off.

Spen, if I had not lied then they would have cut me off from him. That is an option I did not consider.

For me, my reaction pretty much depends on the age of the younger of the two.

I've seen too many bad things happen to young people in large age-gap relationships.




<and any man who thinks his friends can't figure out that his new girlfriend is underage is simply nuts>

Now there you are Sancta.

Listen to a Lady who tells true.

I agree with ehbeth. Depends on the age. If you are 16 (which you are, correct?) and he is 25, I can't say I approve.

You do seem mature for your age so it's hard to say but as a general rule, anyone dating someone still considered a minor (-18) when they are considered adults (+18) is just not right in my book. Just how old are we talking about here?

He is completly honest with his friends and family about my age. I call his mom and talk to her, his friends know that I am 16. Etc.

I want to tell my mother. I have gotten to the point many times. But fear of losing him always stops me in my tracks. I do not lie out of shame or for the sake of lieing, I do it because I know what the consequences will be otherwise. When I turn eighteen, however, I will admit to my family that he is older than what I told them, and I will explain why I lied. Until then though, it pains me to keep up this game. I don't enjoy it, I avoid discussing him at any cost for fear that I will - once again - have to confirm the age they believe him to be.

This is the only time that I have ever been dishonest to my family. I am usually very open, dispite the lack of bonding and closeness between us all. I do not lie to rebel or to start problems... it's out of fear. Nothing more.

I understand why my family would react in a negative way at first. But I am afraid that the initial reaction will turn into more and, like I said, I will be cut off. My family is extremely conservative and look down upon me as it is. I just don't think that they would be able to look past a number and see what they saw before I told them.

Damn, maybe this should go in Relationships

Bella - I prefer not to disclose his age for fear of the same whip-lash that I fear from my family. His age is close to the one you mentioned though, give or take a few years.

It might be the only time you've been dishonest with your nearest and dearest but it's the only time it really mattered.

i have to agree with bella. i didn't believe it at 16 either (heck 19, i still didn't believe it), but the amount that a person changes between the ages of 14 and 24 is huge. While you may be mature for your age, unfortunately you have no idea what it is like to completely support yourself and that changes you.

on the flip side, i have to wonder what a man that age could do with a girl your age. you are in the middle of developing emotionally and physically and are very impressionable. i just watched a couple go through this (good friend of my hubby who was 25 and married an 18 year old). he took complete advantage of her naiveness and she literally ended up in a psych ward. plus he must enjoy going to bars, drinking with the guys, and you won't be able to join that for at least another 5 years.

it really stinks when you grow up and realize your parents were right about alot of things simply because they had been through it before. it happened to me...

Please tell me it's take....

I know you are mature for your age but a 28-30 year old man has no business nosing around where high school girls hang out. That sort of freaks me out.

Point is young lady, at 16 you are a child. If you knew what your doing with a man almost twice your age well enough to lie to your parents. You are fully aware that your relationship is well out of concept. The deceit, age gap, and no doubt his meanderings to yourself that you must shield him from your parents wrath is enough for me to consider that you are enjoying the merits of the attention he arouses. If he was a real man, he would not permit you to lie to your parents or anyone else regarding his seniority over you.

Spendius, [much as I hate to admit] is perfectly correct in the first and latter statement he has made to date in his postings.

The guy is taking a great deal of advantage of your youth and combined naivety. You will obviously carry on regardless for the time being. However, you will one day see the wrongs in this relationship.

For the present I bid you well and hope you see sense, sooner, rather than later. The next seven years or so, are extremely important to your development and should generally be spent with people of your own age group.

Re: May-December Romances


People expect different things of adults than they do of adolescents, Sanctuary. If your fella still appears to be a 'good kid' when he is an adult, I can understand why your family might be upset when they find out his real age. He is supposed to be a good man, not a good kid.

You may be (and truly seem to be) very mature. He seems to be a nice, if somewhat immature, man in his twenties (being described as a good kid is not really a good sign). He is at some legal risk being in a relationship with a 16 year-old. Have you discussed that with him? <you never know when a friend may become an ex-friend, and decide to snitch>

And that has caused plenty mucho brown stuff to hit the wind tunnel fan blades hasn't it Beth?

That is definitely one way of phrasing it, Spendius.

Re: May-December Romances


SInce people know each others ages before they know anything about each other, Yes, I judge people by age. Just as I judge by looks, clothes, blah blah blah... ( holy hell., that means Im human.... Whodda thunk it?)


My first question, absolutly NO disrespect , how 'mature' is it to fuel a lie?
I understand the situation.. BUT.. a good relationship starts on a good note. A lie isnt a good note. Respect your parents enough to ARGUE your point with them. They will respect your decision and your choices when you tell them WHY you make them. ( your b/f being a decision )
But dont disrespect them enough to blatently lie with out giving them a chance to speak thier minds. You say they like him. I woul hate to think they were superficial enough to drop back on thier opinion of him when they find out he is older then they thought. He has proven himself , and you yourself..right?
Dump it on them, argue it out if you have to.
:-)

I'm more upset about the lying than the December-May relationship.

Does he know you lie? Does he approve of your lies?

Well, you all definitely make me feel stupid. Which is a shame, because I know I'm not.

I do not like feeling wrong about loving someone. I started this thread in hopes of being understood; so much for that. My entire life, my age has held me back. Constantly, everyone says "Oh, you'll want to be back at 16 some day." Please! Why would I ever want to go back to a time when I was allowed no responsibility, when I had to live by everyone else's rules, when I was kept from the things I loved most merely because someone else didn't like it? I despise my age. If I had told you that I were 20, you all would be fine with this. The fact that here in Oklahoma, I am the age of consent, but if I were to travel across the border in TX or NM, I will be a minor again. Why is it that no one takes my situation into consideration? Trying to be a responsible adult is no excuse. I see it as pititful to have no one try to even assume that there is no harm in being with him.

I should not have to go through so much discrimination and defending in order to be in a relationship. He should not be made out to be a pedophile or a sicko without any of you ever hearing a word he has to say. I should not have to lie.

And God, it hurts that I do. But I doubt any of you will see that as more than some naive teen's phase in life; and that hurts even more.

Noddy - He knows now, yes.

He never wanted me to lie though. I had told my mom a false age before telling him I was going to, and when he found out that I did he was quite upset. He never wanted to tell them a false age. But we both knew that we'd have to in order to keep in contact with eachother. Now though, he has never confirmed it or lied himself. It all, willingly, rests on my shoulders. I refuse to make a story out of it, only confirming the lie when I absolutely have to (cornered by family members). He hates the fact that I lied though. He's come very close to having a conversation with my mom and revealing his real age, but I've not allowed him to. Not yet.

I hope you dont get that from my post.
My point isnt about your AGE , it isjust about standing up for what you want and learning to argue with your parents,
Unfortunatly , argueing with your parents is a life time lesson...
now is a good time to start. ;-)

you are FAR from stupid.. FAR from immature.
Dont think that way about yourself.
As you said earlier -

:-)

Sanctuary,

I understand more than you know. I am not that far off from the time when I felt exactly as you do. I can remember at 16 demanding my parents buy me a car so I could be independent (rather ironic in and of itself that I wanting to be independent didn't have to pay for the car).

We are not trying to make you feel stupid in any way. I remember thinking the same thing, why the hell would i want to be 16 again-i am not allowed to do anything for myself. There is a reason behind it, much as I hate to admit it. And because you are 16, you cannot understand. That is what the time between now and 24 teaches you. It is experience that we are all speaking from, and a genuine concern for you that we express these opinions.

At 18, i swore i had met the man i was going to marry, i went to college and that was changed forever. Experiences that you have in life offer you valuable insight. Like they always say, hindsight is 20/20 and that is what we are offering you, our hindsight on experiences we have had.