Reply
Mon 13 Jun, 2005 10:35 am
i've been with my fiance for 3 and half years but right now we're having a really bad rough patch. we broke up last year for 3 months because i was tired of the routine and felt he was neglecting me but then he really changed and thats why we got back together. he asked me to marry him on our 3 anniversary to which i said yes to obviously but now we are on the verge of breaking up. most of this is due to him going out every nite recently and it annoys me cos we were saving for a holiday cos we've not had one in the entire time we've been together. when i ask him how can he afford it i get told to shut up and is really patronizing asking me why cant i be like a normal girlfriend who doesn't argue. i'm starting to feel like i'm being bullied and i haven't been brought up to be the little woman so i don't like this attitude which he has never had before. but now i feel that if i married him and we had a kid i would leave him which is weird. but i also feel i cant leave him until i do these things as i want to have his first child and then he would always be in my life if you no what i mean. i just want to be happy and right now i'm not. any suggestions???
Don't have a kid until this is resolved.
If it's unresolvable, have someone else's first kid.
A normal girlfriend who doesn't argue?
What kind of fantasyland is that? No such thing.
I don't want this to sound mean but you don't sound old enough to be getting married. The issues you are having with your relationship shouldn't happen in a mature, secure relationship. My suggestion is to let this relationship go. You broke up once for a reason. Don't make the mistake of having to get a divorce the next time you want to break up. Don't get married.
Why in the WORLD would you want to bring a child into an already doomed relationship?? I'm sorry, but honestly, you should NOT have a child until you realize how wrong this is.
You have one self-centered baby. Do you really need two? He neglects you? Then he's also likely to ignore the baby.
Somewhere down the road do you want a teenager telling you that you picked a lousy guy to be this teenager's father?
Having a child in order to hold on to someone NEVER works.
You'll just wind up with more problems.
And...happiness doesn't come from being married and having a child. It isn't dependant on other people. It comes from inside yourself. You must learn to be happy by yourself before you will ever truly be happy with anyone else.
I'm with Bella. I don't know how old you are (and it doesn't really matter,) but neither of you sounds mature enough for marriage or parenting at this stage.
Please wait!
I hope you take the advice of not getting married and having a child at this point. The responsibility of being married is alot but with a child, and sounds like you would be doing it on your own. To bring a child into the picture at this point is very selfish, wait until you are mature enough to handle the good and bad with the right person. Believe me I am raising two on my own and my ex helps me out alot but it is tough for a single parent. If I had my choice it would have been to raise my kids in a loving family enviroment with both parents. PLEASE WAIT.
how do you know where he goes every night?
As usual, I disagree with just about everyone here.
Don't wait! Life is short! You gotta move on this, if you want to make it happen, sister!
I feel that you should have a kid, and you should marry this guy, preferably during a weekend bender in Vegas, right after you both get matching "I love Shmoopie" tattoes across your foreheads. Hopefully at some point during this magical romantic weekend, he will stop yelling at you to shutup long enough to fill you with his vile seed, thus bringing life to your dream of becoming a trailor-trash single mother with a deadbeat ex-husband who only comes around when he wants to "git 'imself a piece".
All the best,
Kicky
Eva wrote:Having a child in order to hold on to someone NEVER works.
You'll just wind up with more problems.
And...happiness doesn't come from being married and having a child. It isn't dependant on other people. It comes from inside yourself. You must learn to be happy by yourself before you will ever truly be happy with anyone else.
Say it louder sistah! Make sure everyone hears this.
No way, froglidite! Don't listen to these people! They don't care about you like I do! Trust me, get the matching forehead tattoos!
thankyou for all ur help. if u read it properly though u wud c i neva said i wanted a child now, i said that if i had a child with him i wud leave him. i dnt want a child now neway i have my whole career infront of me. in other words i was tryin to say i wud stay n put up with it until we had a child which could b years. neway, i told him what i thought etc that i thought he was a bully and selfish and told him i didn't need him in my life nemore. incredibly i feel so happy now, like a weight has gone. i have enrolled on more courses to expend on my education (which he always belittled-jelousy?) and am planning a holiday. as for trailer trash, we dnt have trailers in britain, they're caravans thank you
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace