moving for your signif. other

Yes. We've already moved a couple of times for each others' stuff.

was it hard moving away from your family? did you have to find a new job?

No. Yes.

Amanda2113-It depends. How important to you is YOUR job? Could you find a comparable one in a new location? If this is your significant other, and not your spouse, how stable is the relationship? I wouldn't want to move across the country "for" somebody, only to have the relationship subsequently fizzle. Only you know the answers to these questions.

Oh I know...I was just wondering how the situation worked out for others...but thank you!

Phoenix makes some great points. My significant other moved across country for me. At the time I was willing to move for him (we both lived across country from each other at the time), but would not be able to move for about 6 months or so because of certain obligations I had to complete. However, he did not want to wait so he moved. It ended up working out better as I would have had to change careers slightly and it would have been significantly harder for me to find another job (even if I was willing to take a lower position and change my career) because of the difference in the job markets. He would have a much easier time transferring his skills and the job market where I lived was much more promising. Also, I am much closer to my family so it would have been extremely difficult to leave them.

You really have to look at all aspects. Even if your significant other is getting a big promotion and a great job with the move, will you be happy? Would you still be able to have a fulfilling career (if that is what you want)? If you are very close to your family, could you still visit often and/or have them visit you? Is this an area you would be happy to live in? For example, if you are a city girl and truly love the advantages of city life or the opposite, do you think you could adjust to a different type of community?

By the way, my now husband and I were not married, had met on vacation and "dated" across country for about 6 months before he decided to make the move. It worked out for us, but it is a big risk that some one may have to take. It can work, but it was not (and sometimes still not) so easy. We have paid for some of his family members to fly out to visit - we try to make one trip a year to his family (which can be difficult because they are not all in one place). And yes, he sometimes misses it. But overall, it worked out for us.

Yes. I'd move in a heartbeat if it would further his career and he'd do the same for me.

I already did it once. And I'd do it again.

deleted for lack of relevance

I moved from NM to TX .. and it had nothing to do with his career, just that he lived in Tx, and I didnt..
so .. I moved to be with him. :-)

he moved from TX to VA so i could be close to my fam. we weren't married at the time, but it has worked out very well for us.

I've done it three times. Madison--> L.A., L.A. --> Chicago, Chicago --> Columbus. All three times were following my itenerant academic hubby (through Ph.D, two postdoc positions, and now a professorship.)

We set some ground rules early on -- I knew that was the nature of the beast, and I was OK with it, but I wanted it to wind up with settling in one place for a good long time, and I had some requirements for what kind of place that needed to be.

All three times have been hell on earth -- for a while. All three have worked out really well. Madison --> L.A. was probably the hardest -- I'd lived in Madison for 8 years and absolutely loved the place. However, it was chock-full of recent M.Ed graduates like myself, and there weren't many job opportunities. L.A. absolutely sucked, city-wise, people-wise, but there were some great job opportunities there and I made like a comet in my three years there -- professional experience that will stand me in great stead from now on. (I have been a stay-at-home mom since a couple of months after I left L.A. for Chicago.)

Chicago sucked at first because I had a tiny baby and knew nobody -- the area I lived is great for raising small children, though, beautiful, walkable, and a ton of free activities for kids and babies on the order of free lunchtime entertainment in the park with really good musicians and storytellers. It (Naperville) won Money Magazine's best place to live in the Midwest the year I moved away (as did Madison the year I moved away from there... hmmm...) However, it has a certain entitled rich kid, SUV-driving soccer mom, snooty aura that goes above a toddler's head but is not the environment in which I'd like to raise an older child.

Columbus sucked at first because it was the first time we moved with a kid and there were all kinds of sucky things related to that -- saying goodbye to her best friend, etc. It was very hard for me to leave my social network, the house where my daughter took her first steps, etc., etc. Again, just hate having to start all over yet again, not knowing anyone. A challenge, and I like challenges, but it's an especially tough one. Here, my daughter has been a great way to meet people -- preschool parents, parents at classes she takes, etc. We just went to a local free concert recently and saw all kinds of people we know -- that's my waiting to exhale moment, finally feeling part of the community. (We've been here a little less than a year.)

I'm really loving Columbus and the specific area we live and the specific house we bought, and am enthusiastic about staying here a good long time.

In terms of your specific question, my now-husband and I had already been together for 5 years and married for one before we started the odyssey, and had lots of ground rules. While it can be done, it's really tough, and I think it's more likely to work if there is quite a bit of commitment there already. Kind of like having a baby -- as I think ehBeth said recently, you don't have a baby to strengthen a relationship.

I have literally JUST done that exact thing. If you would have asked this question two years ago, my answer would have been so VERY different. I would have said then..."Hell no!!"

One should never say never. It can limit so many possibilities.

I have been a single mom for what seems like an eternity. Both of my children are now grown and pursuing adventures of their own. Having lived in California for 90% of my life, I could never imagine living anywhere else. My family has never been more than a two hour drive for me or them to see the other and I had lived in one particular northern California town for 24 years. I never thought about, let alone dreamed about ever meeting someone to share MY life with. I just figured I was destined to be single the rest of my life and was actually quite content with that arrangement.

Then Whamo!! Open one door and enter love when least expected. The problem was....he was in Oklahoma and I was in California. After 2 years of conversing every day and many, many visits back and forth, we both knew that something would have to give in the living arrangements and after much discussion and weighing all the options and pros and cons, we decided together that I would move to Oklahoma. I have now been here tow and a half weeks and while it is definitely very different than California, I have total confidence that I have made the right move.

Call me old fashioned, but I felt it would be better if I got a place of my own at first, for at least a couple of months. While we have known each other three years now, it has always been on a "best behaviour" mode and I want to be certain that we are still as compatible on a day to day basis up close and personal as we have been from a distance. The commitment and love we feel for each other I believe is paramount for making this work.

We're looking forward to a simple civil wedding in September and then in the spring a gathering of our families for a celebration of our union. At this time I truly believe, even if he lived in Antarctica, I'd be there.