Hubby attracted to co-worker

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So.... last week I found out that hubby is attracted to a co-worker. he had written down some stuff to work through it and I found it. He talks about how he would like to leave me and go to her. However he never did not tell her he has these feelings.

What makes it horrible is the hubby works with my sister and other co-workers have been commenting to my sister that they think something has been going on between my hubby and this woman.

I confronted hubby, he says he never told the woman, but does believe (as do all the other co-workers) that the feelings are mutual. He also says nothing has happened between them.

Hubby is living elsewhere for now, as I can't handle the thought of living with him right now.

I know that nothing happened, and that he did not have an affair. But i am still heartbroken/disgusted/numb. I am not eating and sleeping well at all.

The crappy part is that I have met her. And I was jealous of her...and hubby has been telling me for months there is nothing to worry about. So basically he has been lying to me for months.

I am going to stay with him as long as he is really telling me the truth.

I just don't really know how I can trust him again.

We are talking, even though we aren't living together right now.

And he says he has no more feelings for her. But I mean you can't just turn of your feelings for someone else.

He is quitting his job, so he won't be around her anymore. He had another job lined up for July and is going to it early mostly out of fear of having to see my sister everyday Laughing

How am I supposed to get over this???

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You ask how am I to get over this??

Don't.

In your post you mention months of this questioning of your husband. You even include an information source as reliable as your sister.

I know you are in emtional torment on this issue but based on the smiley face I have to say that you are, in some fashion, enjoying having your husband under both your thumb and scrutiny. These things are not good for the chi.

This could be a good time to let your husband work his new job alone and for you to let him be for two or three months to show his true colors.

Based on your post I am not sure who's on first or what's on second in this game. Respecfully, I would ask... Do you?

Hope this works out for your relatinship.

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surfdude wrote:

I know you are in emtional torment on this issue but based on the smiley face I have to say that you are, in some fashion, enjoying having your husband under both your thumb and scrutiny. These things are not good for the chi.

Actually I am not enjoying having him under my thumb. I am just trying to find the humor in a very awful situation I guess. My sister is the kind of person you don't want mad at you!! I really debated even telling my sis about the note I found because I didn't really think it would be fair to put my hubby in an akward work situation.

I did end up discussing it with her so that I could find out more of what other co-workers were saying about them.

Quote:

This could be a good time to let your husband work his new job alone and for you to let him be for two or three months to show his true colors.

He is staying with a friend of ours for the whole month of June, I found out about this just over a week ago. I left until he could find somewhere to stay.

Quote:

Based on your post I am not sure who's on first or what's on second in this game. Respecfully, I would ask... Do you?

Do I know? No.

We had a couple really long talks since this happened. We both know there haven't been enough talking about serious matters lately...about how we feel about things etc. We still love each other and really want to work our way through this. We have been married for 4.5 years. Lived together for one year before that and dated before that.

But that is how we feel now....who knows how we will feel after spending some time apart.

The biggest thing for me right now is lack of trust. I just don't know how to trust him right now.

If we do still want to stay together after a break it will take a lot of commitment towards rebuilding that trust.

I guess I just have to wait and see what happens.

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Hmm. I think both times that he said something suspect, it was kind of what he figured he had to say to stay in the relationship with you. If he'd said yes, you did have something to worry about with this co-worker, what then? If he said yes, he still has feelings for her because you can't just turn it off, what then?

To me it sounds very possible that he got himself into this situation, realized (though his hand was forced by you finding what he wrote) that he would rather stay with you, and is now taking concrete steps to make that happen. Quitting the job is a big step and I think he deserves credit for that.

The rest sounds like it could just fall into what he thinks he needs to say to move things forward. If he has decided that he wants to stay with you, that's important. He had these feelings, and maybe still does, but he didn't act on them. That's important.

Just as you say that he can't be expected to turn off his feelings immediately, you can't be expected to get over the hurt immediately. But it sounds like he is doing everything he can, and that if you meet him halfway, and do a lot of talking, there's hope.

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canadian.. you are in a difficult situation. Anyone would be hurt in your situation.

But look at the positive side. He did not persuade "this thing" with his co-worker. If you were not married to him may be he would have. So your presence did make the difference. May be it was his love for you or his feeling of responsibility that he did not want to act on it. Feel loved, talk to him may be you both can figure it out.

Also, a person lying about an outside fling can be lying for 2 reasons a) He is still in love with you and does not want to jeopardise the existing b) He wants to save his skin. Find out why he lied to you. You may get a way to overcome your grief.

My wishes for you.

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Only time will allow your wounds to heal and eventually, hopefully, if the marriage is worth it, accept your husband back into your home. It's just gonna take some time. Give yourself that.

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Hubby attracted to co-worker

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