I'm in Love With A Married Man

Has he told his wife yet, or is going to?
It is difficult to build a relationship on the ruins of another,
but you're both old enough to judge for yourself, if
this union could work out or not.

No he has not told his wife nor have I pressed him to do that. He needs to make sure that he really wants this before he makes a life altering decision. The decision that I made was not done just solely on the basis of our relationship but it did play a part because I never thought I would have an affair and realized that I couldn't lie to my husband or me.

Ah, my opinion is that you should leave your marriage for your marriage. It is easier to fly to another's arms but those don't always work out. Be sure you mean it re your marriage. A new relationship isn't all roses either, at least after the first few weeks.

Many of us here think people need to learn to live alone, which is apparently an appalling idea - much of the to and from re relationships is because people are fearful of being alone.

Personally, I think folks ought to get used to that, the sooner the better. It will help build one's character as part of a future relationship, if one can function day to day by oneself.

It's a little odd, but common, that people of 40 or 50 or 60 or 70 have never functioned by themselves. And when it happens they go all to pieces.

Re your situation, you should both decide about your marriages on the basis of those marriages. Counting on the next thing to work out is a recipe for trouble - even if it does, there has been strong weight on it.

I would agree that you need time to find yourself after being in a long term relationship and I am taking that time for me. However, I do think that two people may have been destined to be together just didn't know it. I am not trying to condone what I have done, but understand the significance or meaning of the road that I am heading on.

oh wow i am hearing some serious drunk senserity here.

Of course you feel good and new and excited by your friend SEXUALLY. He has been your buddy for years. Not your lover. I am sorry to be a 16 penny nail in this stud, but I have to drive home the point.. The grass is always greener..blah, blah, blah..

You must not base leaving your husband of so many years on a false sence of soul-mate-doom. Leave him if you are truly over IT. IT beeing the whole deal. Do not leave him expecting to fall blissfully into the arms of a fellow cheater. With your own check indoors you will see that that fabric has holes near the seams. Same condition as in your own home..no?

I did not leave my husband because of my relationship with this other person. My mind had already been made up to leave my husband well before this ever happened. What I am struggling with is the fact that during this process we found each other. Is it possible to really have a relationship with someone that you started out lying to each other spouse? I am having a hard time facing the fact that we are starting a relationship or whatever you want to call it lying.

Are you living independently now, ConfusedC?

Lying is always a bummer, in my possibly antique point of view, though I am not entirely unsympathetic.

You need some air clearing time. Don't rush into more lifetime commitment. Just rest and go for walks (no, I'm not kidding, walk and talk with yourself).

It is possible that you will connect with your recent lover seriously. But it shouldn't be from emotional desperation.
Take it easy.
See each other and do gentle things.

It is possible that emotional desperation will tie you together for happy decades, but it's probably better if you have both emotion and clear thinking. I don't mean go play around. I mean, relax. Just be.

This is the voice of wisdom.

This is better advice than you could pay for.

Take a nice long walk.
And sleep on it.

If he'll do it WITH you, he'll do it TO you...

Oh, and could you give HIM a message from me?

If she'll do it WITH you, she'll do it TO you...

A person's integrity is a pretty safe meter on what kind of person they are...