Should I leave or should I stay?

Reply Sat 21 Sep, 2019 04:48 am
I'm living with my 2 guy friends, one of them is my workmate and the other one works in a different company, but the thing is me and my workmate become close friends like best friends, he introduced me to his friends I introduce him to mine, at first i really thought of him as a friend, but living with him and being with him almost everyday is getting me confused.

He have a girlfriend but its pretty much a long distance thing or as he say (they are like they are bf and gf but not really, idk about him what he meant about that) and they rarely see eachother when I mean rarely its really rare, its like I am with him more times than he is with his girlfriend, and a lot of people that just met us thought we are in a relationship, and we've been just friends for more than a year now and he's with her gf far more longer than I am.

Everything is just getting complicated specially for me, and I never confronted him about my feelings because I dont want to ruin our friendship.

I started to realize I like him is when we started to work in this new office, we met this common friend she is a girl, and as we got closer to her I notice myself getting mad and jealous every time that he will talk or do something with her, I get jealous everytime he talk about her or even mention her like in a special way.

There's this one time that he remembers that girls birthday but got confused mine with his girlfriends birthday and when I ask him whens my birthday he doesnt know. That hurt me alot and the part where he thought that my birthday is her gf birhday is just something. He was like "oh yeah I forgot thats my gf birthday"

I get mad and jealous on small little things that I should not be mad and jealous about because we are just friends and there is really nothing between us but I am getting frustrated.

Everyday that I am with him feels both like torture and a blessing, I like being with him but loving him more than a friend I know is not an option and everyday that I am with him just make that feeling stronger and I dont know what to do anymore....

Because if I will tell him I like him like him, I know it'll ruin our friendship because we live together and work together.

I know that if I leave I am making a big sacrifice because then I will have to live alone and probably find a new job but if I stay I will soon ruin our friendship, and I dont want that to happen.

Maybe its just infatuation because we are together everyday, or maybe i dont know anymore...
Reply Sat 21 Sep, 2019 05:06 am
There's no reason in the universe why you can't find other roommates and move out, and keep your job. This will also not ruin your friendship. Just say, "I was looking for a change, as I feel we all hang out together so much, it's keeping me from meeting new people."

Which is the truth, BTW.

Years ago, I lived with guys (I'm female) in very similar situations. If anyone got attracted to anyone else, that effectively ended the living arrangement. And that was no big deal. Better to end the roommate situation and date, than to stay in the same apartment, pining, and potentially destroying the rental situation. Which tended to be more important than boyfriend/girlfriend stuff (yes, really -- you don't know misery until you have a lousy roommate).

I used to meet their girlfriends (and vet them!) and often became friends with these women (Darragh and I were definitely pals; others, not as much). They met my boyfriends -- and Pete definitely did not like Guy. He was okay with Jim, as I recall. Weird; I'm FB friends with both Pete and Jim, and it's almost 40 years later.

It's different, of course, when it's a long distance relationship, particularly as he's throwing off mixed signals about his status with her. Are they dating, or not?

I get the feeling they are, but he's hedging his bets and wants to date your coworker.

So, I'm sorry, but you're the one on the outs.

I truly think you should move out, and for the exact reason I've outlined. And go and meet other people, at work, in the neighborhood, etc. Not just men and not just for dates, but to have a social life outside of your living situation. This doesn't mean you can't have fun with your current roommates. Of course you can!

But it will be a lot easier for you if you can end the fun times with going home to your own apartment, with your own stuff and your own key and lock. I think you'll find the infatuation dies down if you're not in each other's faces quite so much.
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