Wed 18 Sep, 2019 03:59 am
We’ve been dating for about 1.5 years. I’m 32 and he’s 31. Since the beginning, sex has been somewhat challenging. He has difficulty in getting and maintaining an erection. We do have sex, about once a week although it’s been a lot less that that lately. Maybe once or twice a month.
We only really have sex when he wants to. He doesn’t do morning sex, or sex when he’s tired, or stressed, or too full from dinner.
It used to make me feel really insecure and undesirable but I’ve worked through it and it has less of an effect on me.
He says he has a low sex drive and just isn’t that interested although he loves me and is super attracted to me.
Here’s the thing: he watches porn and masturbates. I know this because he has told me.
We’ve been going through a dry spell and it’s making me angry that he’d rather waste his energy on porn and masturbation than on me. I’m an attractive woman, people have told me that all my life. I just don’t understand why he chooses porn over me.
He also gets defensive and angry when I suggest that the difficulty he has in getting/maintaining an erection may be due to porn use. He’s been watching porn since he was a teenager, all through his adult life, and even when he has a partner.
I’ve tried to talk to him but I get nowhere. He blames me for pressuring him and says that he just needs more from me to get into the mood (e.g., me telling him how much I want to f*** him, wearing a choker, etc). I do all of these things but half the time they still don’t work.
What should I do?
Summary: He says he has a low sex drive but he watches porn and masturbates. He’s not open to having a conversation about the impact that this may be having on our sex life as a couple.
Setting the sex aside for a moment, does he do anything for you? Because from the outside looking in, your sex life seems to be 100% beholden to his whims, desires, schedule, moods, preferences, and anything else that strikes his fancy.
I'm not seeing any considerations for you at all as a person.
If things are similar in other aspects of your relationship, it may be a sign to rethink the relationship.
Why are you hanging in? What do you hope will change and what do you see as making it change?