4
   

I have a personal love problem

 
 
john129
 
Reply Sun 15 Sep, 2019 03:40 pm


I love a girl who was my neighbor since 13 years ago , she was my neighbor for 4 years but she passed to another city after this 4 years . 7 years ago i met her again for 2 days and it was last time since 7 years. Now all this years i love her but i dont see her , i just chat with her on facebook weekly in public subjects and in our education as we study same field so my dream is to marry her, but some problems stop me which i need a solution to them 1 - she lives in a city which much fine and farther than my city 2 - we both will graduate at the same time, so she may not wait me until i be capable to marry her and marry another one.

After that i need some ideas and advice about what i can do to make sure that i marry her. thanks
 
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Sun 15 Sep, 2019 03:47 pm
@john129,
Does she actually know you care about her? If you have future plans which involve her, you need to include her in the planning. If you don't, then yeah, she won't know wtf is going on and could end up with some other guy, a guy who's actually told her that he cares.

You don't need to give her a big love confession to start. And, in fact, that's not a good idea at all. More like you say to her, "Monisha (or whatever her name is), I have been thinking about you and me. I mean in a romantic sense. Do you feel like I do at all?"

And see what she says.

It would be a shame for you to change your life to suit someone who already has a boyfriend and/or doesn't think of you that way.

And yes, do this. It's kinda mandatory. The way I see it, you've been hemming and hawing for over a decade.

If you don't tell her, there can't be a happy ending with her.

And yes, that's a risk, and risks are scary. But daring and trying is far, far better than never trying at all.
john129
 
  1  
Reply Sun 15 Sep, 2019 04:02 pm
@jespah,
I didnt tell her that i care about her but i tell her things which make her think that i care about her.
I want to tell about my love her but i fear that and i want to tell her in the right time may be in a year .
john129
 
  1  
Reply Sun 15 Sep, 2019 04:16 pm
@jespah,
i want to tell her the next year, so i can take care about my studying this year .
even the problem of she lives in a much fine place make me not optimistic about this relation
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Sun 15 Sep, 2019 04:22 pm
@john129,
So what happens if she's already married to someone else in a year?

What is the difference between telling someone you care about them, and telling someone things that make them think you care about them?

Is there this thing where you tell someone you care about them, but it doesn't make them think you care about them?

Like jespah said, if another person had plans that they wanted to end up married to me, I would want to know about it. I also would have a say so in the matter, just as she would.
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Sun 15 Sep, 2019 04:25 pm
@john129,
Oh for gosh sakes, next year there will be some other reason not to tell her.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret.

There are no perfect times. We just have now.

Your studies don't have to be done. And like I said (and you 100% ignored), don't lead with, "Oh my gosh I love you let's get married even though I just sprung this on you."

Ask her to coffee. And lay your cards on the table.

I can practically guarantee that your hints at caring are being missed.

We just have now.
john129
 
  1  
Reply Sun 15 Sep, 2019 04:31 pm
@chai2,
Things make her know that i care about her.
can you illustrate the 4 point
0 Replies
 
john129
 
  1  
Reply Sun 15 Sep, 2019 04:40 pm
@jespah,
Ok time problem solved what about that she lives in a better and much fine city ?
what you mean that you can practically guarantee that your hints at caring are being missed.
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Sun 15 Sep, 2019 05:27 pm
@john129,
I mean exactly what I said. Beating around the bush is probably not getting you anywhere.

You can be nice (I'm sure you are) and polite and helpful and she will most likely see you as nice, polite, and helpful. If you want to be anything more than friends, then you'll have to step up.

As for the "better" city, that may not matter so much. Maybe she wants a simpler life. Maybe this city is too loud for her.

You will never know unless you start talking to her, directly, about the future. We can speculate until the cows come home, but the ultimate person who knows what she will do, say, and think isn't me.
john129
 
  1  
Reply Sun 15 Sep, 2019 05:36 pm
@jespah,
so what is the best way to ask her about our future ?
i dont have experience about that Very Happy
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Sun 15 Sep, 2019 05:47 pm
@john129,
"Monisha (or whatever her name is), I have been thinking about you and me. I mean in a romantic sense. Do you feel like I do at all?"

Or you could just read this: https://able2know.org/topic/531087-1#post-6898063

You can do this.

Shyness is nice, but shyness can stop you from getting all the things in life that you want to.
john129
 
  2  
Reply Sun 15 Sep, 2019 06:29 pm
@jespah,
I really want to thank you and i will try to make with your advice
0 Replies
 
john129
 
  1  
Reply Sun 15 Sep, 2019 07:05 pm
@jespah,
the link you put refers to my question ? https://able2know.org/topic/531087-1#post-6898063
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Sun 15 Sep, 2019 07:42 pm
@john129,
By jove, I think you've got it!

Yes John, it does refer back to your question.

I've leave you to ponder that.
0 Replies
 
Fil Albuquerque
 
  1  
Reply Sun 15 Sep, 2019 09:07 pm
@john129,
You can't make sure that you marry her. You can hope and act in that direction though. Not that you have done anything for it yet. Your chances seem slim at best...
0 Replies
 
exusano
 
  0  
Reply Wed 18 Sep, 2019 10:34 am
@john129,
Well, let me start by saying that love is beautiful and if you feel a certain way about someone you should let them know before it gets too late. Not everybody can wait and it depends if she feels the same way about you. Have you confessed your feelings toward her and when I say confessed I mean directly not assume knows, like telling her " hey so I really feel this way about you and i wanted to know if you feel the same'. You need to find out because chances are she might give up and feel that you are leading her feelings on or you may get shocked and find that she doesn't feel the same way and you have waited a whole year. Just get it out of your chest and you can finally move on with life however the outcome. Hope this helps.
0 Replies
 
 

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