Hey Boomerang - How are you? I think Mr. B's exactly right. We all tend to take for granted that which we know and pine after what is not available to us. I guess being aware of it and taking it for what it is will be important in not letting it get you down. My sister is a family counselor who works with adoptive families. She warned me long ago to be ready for the day (sometime in adolescence) that my daughter says, "You're not my real mother. My real mother would or wouldn't do so and so..." Even though I know it's probably inevitable, I still dread it. I can only imagine how hard it must be to face rejection now when he visits his biological family. Someday he'll realize that you guys are the ones who saved his life.
The whole preconscious thing is interesting. When I had my son, immediately after he was born, my husband was holding him and singing to him, but he continued to just squawl. He handed him to me, and I whispered Shhh.. as mothers do to crying babies and he immediately quieted. My husband and I were both just shocked, but he definitely knew me. My daughter had to get to know me. We adopted her when she was five months old. She was in the habit of going to sleep on her own, but in the adoption classes they told us to hold her as much as possible. I loved to rock and sing babies to sleep so I did. At first, she really resisted - I could tell it made her uncomfortable. But I persisted and after about a month or two she relaxed and allowed herself to be held. Now, she talks about rocking in "her" rocking chair and the songs I sang all the time. I think you have the fact that you've been a part of Mo's life from the beginning going for you. That familiarity is really important. And as you guys create memories and traditions as a family, he'll recognize and realize how important you are to him and he is to you.
I'm glad you have Mr. B. It can be hard to be the strong one all the time. Sometimes the rescuer needs to be rescued and the holder needs to be held. I know a song that honors adoptive moms by Sinead O'Connor. Have you ever heard it? Let me know, I'll send you the words - it will remind you why you're doing what you're doing.
