Thu 22 Aug, 2019 12:28 am
I am a 23 year old female with a traumatic sexual past that I am currently in the process of healing from. Sex has never really been enjoyable for me because of this trauma, and I have never orgasmed. I recently made a promise to myself to redefine what sex means to me and to not settle for sex that is less than satisfying. But I know I have to learn my own body, what I like, etc. before I can fully expect someone else to. I'm experimenting with masterbating and experimented with a vibrator for the first time. I feel... something. But mostly kind of overwhelmed and bored and it just isn't a great experience. In fact, I started off wet and after 15 min with the vibrator I noticed I was completely dry. Like I turned myself off? I don't know. (this is what happens during sex with a guy as well, I start off aroused and then am just physiologically over it all of a sudden) I have been trying to do research but keep on falling short. I would really appreciate some advice.
I am not on any medications that would prevent me from orgasming. I also exercise almost every day so I think I have good blood flow. I do have a hard time getting aroused but I think that might be linked to the trauma?
Any advice to point me in the right direction would be so greatly appreciated here.
I am not a doctor but I would suggest you buy some lube you like (there are a lot of varieties these days, and you can get them online) so you can sustain activity. This is both for by yourself and with a partner.
Why am I getting sex posts on the political foram?
It is a lot better (or at least less disappointing) than getting politics on the sex forum.
I think you and a partner should forget about your vagina for a while and focus on pleasurable touch.
Take turns touching and kissing and caressing and licking one another’s skin. Just close your eyes and feel it.
I think there is an activated shut off valve because of what happened to you.
If your conscious and unconscious know that the vaginal entry that violated you previously is.not.going.to.happen again, maybe your body can relax enough to begin to allow itself to feel pleasure.
You can feel pleasure on your skin without mouth-kissing or the stress of anticipating it leading to the physical feeling of sex that you connect with assault.
Maybe that unstressed pleasure will open you back up to feeling more and desiring more.
What Lash said. Pleasure is mental.