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Mon 30 May, 2005 04:16 pm
hi all, im a new member here and i need urgent objective advice. I met this guy in july 2004, and he was everything i wanted, cute, smart, loving , romantic and attentive. we met only a few times before the summer when he went on holiday but he was foning and texting me evry day from abroad. inevitably i fell for him deeply and spent all month waiting and missing him. When he came back in sept, he was behaving strangely like never answering his phone. Eventually he told me he was living with his girlfriend of 3 years but that they were not getting on. They have a house together. he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me. we continued seing each other without really thinking carefully, he rarely spent the night and weekends but i tolerated that at first because i loved him so much.
Gradually as time went on, i wanted more... like be able to see him wheni wanted and not just when he could, spend weekends together, plan holidays together.He has said he would move to a rented place and we even went to look at places together but he always backed out at the last minute with a reason of he wasnt ready andi was pressuring him too much. I gave him an ultimatum at easter which he ddnt make, and we had a 2 week break, he was bombardingme with texts and calls and eventually i gave in and met. he told me he wanted to move from the house but move to MY house because the whole point for us to be together. he says that he has spoken to the ';gf' and they are now n o longer together and are living as flatmates BUT he still wont give me his land number, he thinks i dont know where he lives , AND he still doesnt always answer his mobile when i call.
He now says his mum wants him to marry this girl as she really likes her so he has now said he is going to tell his mum about me and that he is going to leave the house. All along he has said heloves me, and that the reason he hasnt left is becos he doesnt want to lose the house (which he cant as they have joint ownership). and thats also the reason why he wont tell the gf. BUT if they are no longer together , surely its reasonable for him to give me his land number and for her to expect him to meet someone else.
i really feel like im being lied to and strung along., he says such nice things like we have a future and im the one for him. and i have always believed him because they are nice things to hear but im scared ive become emotionally too dependent, he contacts me when he wants and if i dont answer he goes mad but if vice versa , he says the fone was on silent or no reception.
what does everyone think?
should i leave him and get out now? im spending all my time just thinking, analysing the situation and its driving me mad!
Honey.
I can't count the times in that post that you should have left and not allowed contact again.
I guess this is one of those situations where "love" completely blinds one to reality and logic.
You are being used. And, no don't ask him if he's using you, and then believe what he says.
What people SAY does not negate what they DO.
Dump him, and don't listen to what he says.
The guy isn't even a good deceiver.
Perhaps he's not as smart as you think.
Two thumbs down.
How do you like being the second string girlfriend of a two-timing man who happens to be a bit of a mama's boy?
Get out.
thank you for your replies. You dont know many times i have tried to get out but its sooooo hard especially when i really have fallen for this guy. thats the problem when i think with my brain... its obvious whats happening but he is soo persuasive and convincing that i always end up believing him because i want to. he says he wants to marry me, have kids, and im everything hes always wanted. We have a plan that hes going to tell his mum and then after that hes going to move in with me.
we went 7 weeks without any intimate contact because i told him that he was just using me for sex, but hes still around so he cant be just after that can he??? if thats all he wanted surely he could just get it more easily elsewhere . Thats what I dont understand. He is spending more and more time with me 4 days a week so he cant be sustaining a relationship with the other girl. If i were her, it would be obvious if he was out that many times a week. However i know of many stories where married men continue for years with noone knowing.
However I know he still lies to me at times because sometimes he is evasive when I ask him where he has been or why he didnt answer the fone and he never gives a direct answer.. its always evasive like ' nowhere special' or 'not sure'... when i ask what hes dong at the weekend he says'' not sure dont have plans' so then i say lets make plans and he says' i will let you know later' so i make my own plans.. and then he goes mad saying i dont include him in my life. the last few months we have been seing each other every tues, thus , fri and a few weekends as well.
Now he has gone away for a week and im trying to think calmly and logically but im just such an emotional mess,. I live in uk and he is from spain but lives in uk now, he told me last thurs he may not be able to stay in contact over the week as he is having some family problems and also plans to tell his mum about me, HOWEVER, it doesnt take 2 mins to send a text to keep in contact which is what he has always done. I have called his number several times and its off.
now im paranoid that hes gone away with her somewhere else and so of course cant stay in contact with me while he is wih her.
a further question: i m not going to get any straght answers from him so maybe i need to contact her and ask her?? either way, i think she deserves to know the truth or is this a big mistake??
should i wait out just this week and then see what he says?/
its the first thing i think about in the morning and the last thing at night and im really scared im going to go mad, im already having crying attacks and anxiety attacks which is totally out of character for me but i just cant seem to stop myself from going back for more.
honeygal wrote:
He is spending more and more time with me 4 days a week so he cant be sustaining a relationship with the other girl.
Not true.
He can do both. It's straning, but feasable.
Been there, done that. Easy peasy.
honeygal wrote:
However I know he still lies to me at times because sometimes he is evasive when I ask him where he has been or why he didnt answer the fone and he never gives a direct answer.. its always evasive like ' nowhere special' or 'not sure'...
Told ya. He's not that good a deceiver.
honeygal wrote:
now im paranoid that hes gone away with her somewhere else and so of course cant stay in contact with me while he is wih her.
Quite probable.
Perhaps he's so scared about it, he can't even bring his cellphone to the bathroom and make a call or send a text from there (and I tell ya from experience, that's easy).
honeygal wrote:
a further question: i m not going to get any straght answers from him so maybe i need to contact her and ask her?? either way, i think she deserves to know the truth or is this a big mistake??
Big mistake.
Perhaps he loves her... his way.
It would only be revenge, against both of them.
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