Geezermania

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering
things. They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor
tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start
writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his
chair.

His wife asks, "Where are you going?"

"To the kitchen" he replies.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"
she asks.

"No, I can remember it."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it
down because you know you 'll forget it."

He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with
strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so
you'd better write it down!" she retorts.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember
it! Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I
got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands
his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment and says - "Where's my toast?
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A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're
getting Married?"

"Yep!"

"Do I know her?"

"Nope!"

"This woman, is she good looking?"

"Not really."

"Is she a good cook?"

"Naw, she can't cook too well."

"Does she have lots of money?"

"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."

"Well then, is she good in bed?"

"I don't know."

"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"

"Because she can still drive!"
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Dorothy and Edna, two 'senior' widows, are talking.

Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know
you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about
him before I give him my answer."

Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He showed up at my apartment punctually
at 7 P. M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he
brought me such beautiful flowers! Then, he took me downstairs, and
what's there but a luxury car, a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and
all. Then he took me out for dinner, and such a marvelous dinner it
was, lobster, champagne, dessert, and after dinner drinks. Then we
went to see a show. Let me tell you Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I
could have just died from pleasure! So then, we came back to my
apartment and he turned into an ANIMAL! Completely crazy, he tore off
my expensive new dress, and had his way with me two times!"

Dorothy: "Goodness gracious! So, are you are telling me I shouldn't
go out with him?"

Edna: "No, no, no, I'm just saying, wear an old dress!"
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The young fellow was about to be married and was asking his
grandfather about sex. He asked how often you should have it.

His grandfather told him that when you first get married, you want it
all the time... and maybe do it several times a day. Later on, sex
tapers off and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older,
you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are
lucky to have it once a year...maybe on your anniversary.

The young fellow then asked his grandfather, "Well how about you and
Grandma now?"

His grandfather replied, "Oh, we just have oral sex now."

"What's oral sex?" the young fellow asked.

"Well," Grandpa said, "She goes to bed in her bedroom and I go to bed
in my bedroom. She yells, ' Screw You', and I holler back, 'Screw You
too!'"
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Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
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A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It
cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's
perfect."

"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty"
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Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A
few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're
really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and
be cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart
murmur. Be careful.'"
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A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled
himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath
he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "arthritis."