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Serious Problem with a good friend

 
 
Reply Tue 24 May, 2005 08:05 pm
I have moved to a new city last year and met this great and wonderful person. She was the first friend i had here in this new place. She is 15 and i am 14. Me and her are REALLY close. We were the greatest friends, and we both really liked eachother. When i first met her, she was the happiest person in the world. But recently she found out her boyfriend was a drug addict. So She got into a fight with him and they broke up. But they got back together again. She even told me that he hit her once. I got really angry and i flipped out! She begged me not to do anything to him because she thinks she "loves" him. So, every day i would be with her, and talk to her. I would be close to her, and helped her with all her problems. She even started to cut herself because of him! I was the only one who actually helped her stop. Her boyfriend wouldnt do anything, she says he didnt care! She did stop but now started again. I would talk to her for atleast 5 hours a day. We both truly loved eachother. But her boyfriend got jealous because she got too attached to me. I was closer to her than he was. One day i had a party at my house, so me and her were dancing. We got really touchy, really really touchy. But it wasnt some dirty dancing, it was our way of showing our love for eachother. The next day her boyfriend finds out. He got really pissed and is now forcing her to ignore me and not talk to me. He even dared to call me on my cell and threaten me! I ofcourse wasnt affraid of the threat, but was affraid of her safety. In school she wont talk to me at all. But at night, we talk over the phone til 2 AM everyday on school days, and usually til 5 am on weekends. She tells me she cant talk to me because he will get mad, but she still really wants to be close. I am really pissed because i dont know what to do now! Im hoping maybe you can help? Thanks...
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 719 • Replies: 9
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Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 May, 2005 08:26 pm
This all sounds very complicated to an old woman, but while you seem very willing to be used right now, I think you are being used.
0 Replies
 
eoe
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 May, 2005 08:29 pm
SoLonely, are you a girl or a guy?
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SoLonely91
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 May, 2005 03:57 pm
I am a guy, and sorry that its complicating, even i am still confused...
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 May, 2005 04:21 pm
Why are you letting her do this to you, SoLonely?

She has a boyfriend.

You're a back-up. Maybe.

Have you considered spending time with other girls who don't have boyfriends?



(and Welcome! to A2K)
0 Replies
 
bobsmythhawk
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 May, 2005 05:13 pm
I think it's wonderful that you want to help her. You can't do it. She needs help. Professional help. To help you have to have an adult you trust to get a professional to intercede and stop her destructive behavior. You have to recognize this may be regarded as if you ratted on her. In a way you have but it's warranted when she damages herself as you've described. If she's done this to herself she may be on the road to suicide. Protecting her from this takes precedence over evertything else.
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Aurora Dark
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 May, 2005 06:14 pm
So true... If she won't help herself, you can't reach her either Sad

Poor thing seems blind and naive to what her "love" is doing to her... but nothing you say will change a thing if she can't see the truth for herself.
0 Replies
 
SoLonely91
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 May, 2005 07:03 pm
I want to get her professional help, i really do. Its just that, she would hate me for ever. I try day and night to help her myself. I did help, because she stopped for quite a while, then started again. Im just really pissed because she is blind...blind of what her "love" is doing to her. I dunno...im just really pissed and wanna kill the guy but shes begging me not to do anything to him...
0 Replies
 
Bekaboo
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 May, 2005 03:55 am
The truth is she's messed up.

I don't mean this in a harsh way... but ex-self harmers often sound like me. Once you come out the other side you see it all for the stupid, selfish and down right dangerous thing it is and you're torn between wanting to help everyone you know who does it and wanting to yell at them for a lifetime.

It is great that you are there for her. And i bet you can't even imagine how much she appreciates that. But the truth is that if she's self harming then she is very mixed up up here. It's generally an incredibly good sign that she can't control her emotions.

If she feels that she loves her boyfriend then chances are nothing you will do will change that... because in her head she will have made him into something he's not.

I know you care about her an awful lot. And i know you love her. But you need to let her make her own decision... just be there for her
0 Replies
 
SoLonely91
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 May, 2005 08:51 am
yea, i guess your right...
0 Replies
 
 

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