Lola:-
For example-
If you read EM's two posts on the What Is Pain?thread after you have been to the boilerhouse (code) you will get a scintilliting read.Not only is it scientifically edifying and stylishly written but one can hardly stop laughing at the thought of the expression on the faces of the readers he is taking the piss out of.
There are few things funnier than someone having the piss taken out of them without them being aware of it.
How come Hawaii is up so much earlier than the westcoast?
EM you've been a bad boy?
Well spendius, you're clearly stronger than I am. I couldn't even drink beer for several hours without getting sick. Did
I mention that it seems, the sissies live on the westcoast
It's cloudy here at the beach <sigh>
Last night in the pub Vic,dear old Vic-he's not what he used to be,handed me a cutting from The Daily Mirror which sheds a little more light on to those matters which we had been considering in a philosophical way originally appearing in The Sunday Times and which I reported on earlier on this thread for the benefit of people living in places far removed from civilisation.
The headline reads-
7 MINS 36 SEX
with a sub-headline--
British men last the longest making love,scientists reveal.
If I may abstract from the Daily Mirror article in order to leave out the boring bits it seems,according to these scientists,and one can't possibly imagine life without scientists as Flaubert does in Salammbo, we British men "should be standing proud".We have "got more stamina in the sack" than our rivals.
The scientists surveyed only five countries,a fact I don't think was mentioned in my earlier report.Besides ourselves there was Spain,Holland and the aptly named Turkey.They studied 500 couples using stopwatches and a suspension of critical faculty only attainable when money is a factor.They were all over 18.
Dr Marcel Waldinger (sic),a neuro-phychiatrist at Utrecht University said that "the study's aim (as if)was to define premature ejaculation".As if we didn't know.
The good news is that PE is a physical problem,assuming it is a problem,and not caused by any particular type of socialisation.Statistically there is just as much chance of Lord Elpus suffering this condition as any old Tom,Dick or Harry.It's much the same with piles I gather.
The article goes on to say that we Brits are "well ahead of the pack."
The best performanc of the couples clocked in at 44 minutes and the worst at 30 seconds.The two adjectives there are interchageable according to taste.
Additionally it seems that circumcised men last 40 secs longer on average than "those who haven't had the operation."
I got to speculating later on the subject of my own conception and was led to ponder the idea that these times might have an effect on the character of the offspring.
It struck me that if we were to ask extra medium to provide us with an analysis of how such an effect might be possible his obvious expertise in the field of micro-organisms could be flaunted at will without the slightest objection being raised.
extra medium wrote:Lola,
Respectfully,
Are you a man or a woman? I mean, really?
I hope you aren't offended. I was just wondering.
I was born a baby girl and later grew into womanhood which is where I continue to be. Although, I must say, it's growing harder and harder to maintain my competitive edge.
I'm not offended at all, dear EM. Anyone who is a friend of Spendius is a friend of mine.
spendius wrote:I won't be taking it anywhere else either in contrast to where I might take some other ideas for photographs I have dreamed up in your absence.
You are such a dreamer, Spendius. I wonder why you don't take more action and settle for mere dreams......but I know, it would take you too far away from your beloved books. I think you're a little like Salammbo in this regard.
Good lord.
Thank you Spendius, for your kind words.
I obviously mis-estimated the sexual sophistication of (some) of the readers here, and I apologize profusely for that.
I thought everyone here knew this thread was, from the beginning, a parody of an irony on top of irony of an enigma ad infinitum.
I have peppered my posts on this thread with poetic reference. I suspect at least Spendius gets it, and I love him (in a quite non-sexual way) for that.
Perhaps it is because many of my references are from relatively modern British Poetry, often called rock or disco or punk or rave or house or trance or whatever.
In any event, the poet himself says it better than I. If you please, please read the following poems. Imagine a thumping bass, drum machine, dark smoky room, with shortish scantily clad women that are staring at you as you walk by. They are seducing you with their eyes in the club. They are laying theirself open, its simply up to you which one you want to pick from. That part is very real.
Call it arrogance, call it whatever you wish. The falslely humble, those feigning humility often have the biggest ego of all. Behind that monk with the "no ego" often lurks the biggest ego in the room. Believe me, it is every bit as real as picking up the local truckstop waitress. Its all unreal, that it. Surreal, as it were.
Imagine a very heterosexual guy that is not afraid of his feminine side. Too many American men are so scared shiteless of that, they cut off a huge part of their being. I have tried to bomb that portion of myself. Its backwards, and stoopid.
I hope the following poems (retro-techno trance songs) explain to some where I was coming from with my Jokes! If not, if you re-read my posts with this poem in mind, I think it will fall into place, a bit.
(these songs are meant to be read with a smile, a twist, and appreciation of the irony. think of it as sort of a joke...a fun joke that isn't taken too far...all in fun.)
Master & Servant
by Depeche Mode
There's a new game
We like to play you see
A game with added reality
You treat me like a dog
Get me down on my knees
We call it master and servant
It's a lot like life
This play between the sheets
With you on top and me underneath
Forget all about equality
Let's play master and servant
It's a lot like life
And that's what's appealing
If you despise that throwaway feeling
From disposable fun
Then this is the one
Domination's the name of the game
In bed or in life
They're both just the same
Except in one you're fulfilled
At the end of the day
Let's play master and servant
Sex Dwarf
by Soft Cell
Isn't it nice
Sugar and spice
Luring disco dollies
To a life of vice
I could make a film
And make you my star
You'd be a natural
The way you are
I would like you on
A long black leash
I would parade you
Down the high street
You've got the attraction
You've got the pulling power
Walk my little doggy
Walk my little sex dwarf
We could make a scene
We'd be a team
Making the headlines
Sounds like a dream
When we hit the floor
You just watch them move aside
We will take them
For a ride of rides
I'm in my Rolls Royce
Look it's so huge
It's big and it's gold
With my dumb chauffeur
Looking to procure
Run little doggy
Lure a disco dolly
Run my little sex dwarf
I feel so lonely
Get my little camera
Take a pretty picture
Sex dwarf
In a gold Rolls
Making it with the dumb chauffeur
Isn't it nice
Sugar and spice
Luring disco dollies
To a life of vice
Sex dwarf
Isn't it nice
Luring disco dollies to a life of vice
We could make an outfit
For my little sex dwarf
To match the gold Rolls
And my dumb chauffeur
We'll all look so good
We'll knock 'em cold
Knocking 'em cold
In black and gold
And my dumb chauffeur
I would like you on a long black lead
You can bring me all the things I need
Sex dwarf
Isn't it nice
Luring disco dollies to a life of vice
Isn't it nice
Sugar and spice
Luring disco dollies to a life of vice
I am sure this post will get me flamed.
This whole thread has reminded me once again why a certain large segment of American women bore me to tears. They are so very simple minded, often. They want you to be the stereotypical idiot male, and if you are not, they think you must be gay or bi or whatever. If you are attracted to things intellectual or in any way arty, you are homo - suspect.
And not only do many American women want the man to be pure thug male, they want to be the man also! {I'll interject here that when I speak of American women in this post, I am not saying they are all like this--just a Lot of them}
If you playfully suggest some sort of Semi-High Master & Servant style to an American woman, she will most likely be offended and stomp off, feeling insulted and degraded or whatever. But its funny, that is actually fine because that reaction is what I was looking for--they girls that I am truly interested in would see all that for the joke that it is, and throw it back in my face without being offended. Otherwise, I'll be stuck with a girl that just expects me to drink beer and watch football and be stupid all the time, or otherwise be thought of as homo.
Women from many other cultures often do not have such a problem They understand well that though for a moment they may be the Servant, they are always the Master...regardless. But American women (some not all), are often so worried about looking feminine sometimes.
American women have always liked me a lot. I mention this not out of conceit, but to illustrate this is certainly not sour grapes. I walk into a club or beach or gym or whatever, and their boyfriends will be standing right there, and there they are staring and smiling at me behind the guy's back. Sickeningly easy.
So I became a bit bored with all that "you farmboy-I farmgirl" simple-minded crap. I blew through that by age 22 or so, and moved on to other interests. All 100% heterosexual. I love women. Especially smart, strong, adventurous cultured women. But I am not afraid to say, I also love men. How can you not love the mind of men like Spendius and others on here? But I would never touch them, I am repelled by the thought of it greatly. Gays have hit on me a lot, and I've a few gay friends. But I've never went beyond a handshake.
Sorry if I offended anyone with the jokes here. I was truly trying to just stack the irony up -- the references were probably a bit too obscure.
I'll admit the above poem is usually only given to graduate level students of Sexology. The uninitiated mind will get bogged down in its ambiguousness of separation of distinction in the male and female. Its scary to the simple minded. Its creepy.
But, to give an example, there is a certain class of sophisticated European and Asian women who get all of the above. They, in fact, love it.
They tend to be highly educated, models, daughters of the rich & noble, the leading debutantes...
The lower classes will probably just be pissed out about the above and say "give me a beer and get me away from that fa**ot."
Its all lost on the lower classes.
Oh I suppose I've said many arrogant and un-pc things in this post. But who the hell hasn't here?
Would it be clearer to some if I just said "Bite Me?" (in a non-offending, ironic tone, of course)
I don't think I'm going to touch that one
Hi CJ, how is your day going? (finally dropping the irony--whew) :wink:
Well I think its pretty hilarious that in the beginning of the thread, some said I sounded like a male chauvinist (that was an act)--later on, I was a transvestite, and a feminine one too! :wink:
I was trying to spoof the extreme male stereotypicalcaricature all the way to extreme female.
Oh well, at least I made my own self laugh!
EM,
There is a wide gulf between ignorance and stupidity. A huge portion of Americans ( Not just women, but the other types too) suffer from a lack of cultural literacy.
For the most part, I see us ('murkins) as an intellecually lazy bunch of slobs.
It's not that we are stupid, but woefully undereducated, unchallenged, and far too easily distracted by the constant bombardment of pure shyte that the culture tries to ram down our throats.
I'm doing fine, thank you! Lazy Saturday so far - how about you?
extra, as long as you know who you are, everyone elses
assumption is not important. See it as being versatile in
your abilities to fool some into thinking you can be a
chauvinist, transvestite or whatever the stereotype might
be. At least you're not boring!
To laugh at ourselves is essential for our well being.
Thanks CJ & LionTX.
I really appreciate that some people can take a joke....!
Yes, its a nice beautiful lazy Saturday...
extra medium wrote:
Well I think its pretty hilarious that in the beginning of the thread, some said I sounded like a male chauvinist (that was an act)
Knew it was an act. :wink: You had too much of a lightheartedness about you, to take the male chauvinist pig to heart.
The true chauvinists are arrogant in a demeaning way - with not a hint of playfulness.
justa_babbling_brooke wrote:extra medium wrote:
Well I think its pretty hilarious that in the beginning of the thread, some said I sounded like a male chauvinist (that was an act)
Knew it was an act. :wink: You had too much of a lightheartedness about you, to take the male chauvinist pig to heart.
The true chauvinists are arrogant in a demeaning way - with not a hint of playfulness.
Whew! LOL!
Thank you JBB!
And I was hoping when you told me "Bite Me" it was with a smile on your face and a sort of (you better knock it off, a**hole before I start to actually get pissed) ironic warning of sorts...
At least thats what I'm hoping...?
Damn, you got my bizarre obscure jokes?
This means I actually have to start liking you now?
And you are American?
___
Oooo boy, back to the drawing board. Maybe there actually are some cool American chicks out there after all. They're all on A2K! :wink:
What time is there, JBB?
I don't think I'd have a chance playing pool against you....I'd be too distracted. :wink: Geezus, does any guy ever beat you in a game of pool? Now that guy would be suspect for true homosexual tendencies...
Was that 9-Ball?
It's 11 pm in Ohio. I'm on Eastern time.
And yes, I'm one of them simplistic American girls that you love to hate. :wink:
Only thing is....... I'm darn proud of it!
Yeppers that's 9 ball.
No worries on playing me though. I'd let you beat me a time or two - before I unleashed the power I have over balls on you.
Damn. Now thats what I'm talking about.
Sort of like a Black Widow or a cat toying with a mouse?
You'd let me bask in paradise for a moment before smashing me?
Perfect...
Make it hurt just a little, okay? :wink:
