The modern dress code

The modern dress code

Many old folks are quite confused about how they should present themselves. They're unsure about the kind of image they are projecting and whether or not they are correct as they try to conform to current fashions.

Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations do not go together and should be avoided. Please keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind when you shop.

1. A nose ring and bifocals

2. Spiked hair and bald spots

3. A pierced tongue and dentures

4. Miniskirts and support hose

5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads

6. Speedos and cellulite

7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar

8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor

9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge

10. Bikinis and liver spots

11. Short shorts and varicose veins

12. Inline skates and a walker

13. Thongs and Depends

14. Back tattoos and hernia belts

15. Mood rings and Prozak

16. Tight jeans and a beer gut

17. Corn rows and gray hair

18. Low rider baggy pants and red suspenders

19. Sun bonnets and uzis

20. Chef hats and corn dogs