How do I love other people?

Reply Mon 10 Jun, 2019 03:53 pm
My mother passed away not too long ago, and we were super close. Now it feels like there is a gaping hole in my heart where she was. She was my only parent, we have a small family, I have no siblings, we moved a lot, and I was even homeschooled part of my life. My entire life has just been the two of us. We had a lot in common and were best friends. She said she loved me more than any other person in the entire world, and I felt the same about her. I didn't want to get married or have kids one day. I just wanted to live with her for the rest of my life, and she was more than happy with the idea of me never moving out. We were like soulmates on a spiritual level. Loving only one person intensely is the only way I really know how to love. I can't comprehend within myself how people are able to greatly love multiple people- siblings, two parents, in-laws, etc. But in order to move forward and find love again- I know I will likely have to learn to love this way. But I honestly don't know how. I try to imagine/fantasize myself one day with a child, a daughter/son-in-law, and having grandkids to dote on. It might sound silly?? but I can't picture it and there is a lot of internal conflict and even heartbreak when I think about it. And it's also hard to know that I will likely never have someone again that loves me with such intensity as my mom, and only me. I'm at a loss and don't know how to move forward in life. Loving one person intensely- and being loved back with that same intensity- is the only way I know how to love.
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Reply Mon 10 Jun, 2019 04:57 pm
You don't have to have children to live a fulfilling life. It's not selfish. Some people (myself included) are not cut out to be parents.

So stop beating yourself up about that.

But also, please, consider counseling to work through your feelings. Don't expect to be 100% hunky-dory so soon.
Reply Mon 10 Jun, 2019 05:49 pm
Oh Jespah, as usual, I was going to write the first thing you said.

oldsoula - as said above, children, if you don't want them, Especially if you don't want them, are not a necessity in life.

I do differ with Jes on one thing though. Saying it's not selfish. Sure, sometimes it can be unselfish, but many times it is. That's not a problem either. I'll gladly admit that I am too selfish to have kids. I've had a few people over the years (people who I didn't even really know at all) tell me that. It really takes the wind out their sails when you immediately agree.

I am curious as to your age.

Yes, counseling may be a very good idea for you. It can help you work through some of the grief of loosing your mom.

IMO, it is totally fine for people to go through periods, or even permanently live happily without having some special person in their lives.

For unconditional love, there's nothing like a pet. May be a good place to start.
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