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Thu 12 May, 2005 04:57 am
Hi..i don't know what to do. My gf who I have been with for a year now says that she still needs to get closure on her ex. They are still friends and everything seemed ok until her ex adopted a baby. My gf and her ex had discussed adoption during their relationship but it never materialised. Now my gf offers to babysit and says she still has feelings. She says they not romantic feelings as such but more a deep caring.
We live together and everything between us is great. The only problem is that I cannot accept the fact that my gf is constantly worrying about how her ex is doing and whether her ex is alright. My gf can't put her finger on what she is feeling but knows that there is a form of attachment. She does not want to breakup with me but needs my support in helping her get over this.
Problem is...I don't know what 'this' is..what is it exactly that she is feeling and why is it that she cannot just move on and forget about her ex? My gf says that perhaps its cuz she feels guilty for starting off with me so soon after her ex left her and is therefore over compensating for that. When we first got together there was talk with her ex on getting back but my gf realizes that they are just not good together and fight all the time. They were together for 4 years..
What is all this and will it ever go away??? I am trying to be as supportive as possible but one whole year just seems a long time to still be trying to sort out feelings for an ex..
I agree.
Idont thnk she should have got together with you if she still has strong feelings like this.Its not fair on you.
You sound like a good guy but that can lead to you being taken advantage of.Fair enough she says its not a sexual feeling she has for her ex but it must be bugging you, as I think it would me.
Has her ex met a new lady and they have adopted a kid together?
Maybe she feels she wants the life she planned with her ex and this is the only way to do it.
Its great that you are supportive but as you say, a year is a long time.
She has to work out if she wants a relationship with you or with her past life.
None of this probably helps.Be supportive for as long as you can, maybe ask her to sort out exactly what it is that she wants/is missing(eg does she want kids/does she want them with yuo) but I think at some point you need to give her an alltimatum.
Shes still confused about her ex after so long
There is nothing that sucks more than being with the woman that you love and her having feelings for the ex. Belive me I should know, I was with my NOW ex gf for about two years; she had just gotten out of a relationship when we got together and well, to make a long story short lets just say that I was the transitional male in her phase of transition and she left me for him. It's like playing a freakin game you can't win, no matter what you do, say, feel, hope, you can't get her to stop thinking of him. You are a good man for being supportive in her time of need, but be careful and think a little more about yourself at the end people usually do what they think makes them feel better, be strong and don't be suprised if the day comes when she tells you that she wants to be with him again.
Why can I never meet guys like you two.You both sound lovely.Its very rare for guys to air their feelings without getting defensive and b*tchy about it but you both sound fab!
Eek, the transitional person.Being one of those sucks.
Jason gave good advice(better than a girlies advice).
Please bare in mind we are not all bad.Chevy, you do need to think about yourself soon or your just gona be taken for a ride.
I don't know but it seems like most girls are always, "getting over somebody." Once she breaks up with you, the next guy she'll be with will be complaining that she's not over you. I will never, ever get with a girl ever again who has not had a complete break from her ex. All that, "we're still friends, i still care about him," doesn't fly right by me.
This is just not for girls. This goes for guys too. We might say we want to be friends with our ex's after they break up with us, but we really want to do is hang around to see if maybe we can get back together.
How do you feel about adopting a child with her. From what you wrote, I'm betting that she isn't in love with her Ex as much as she's lusting for a baby.
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