Personal Ads - Reading Between the Lines

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish...........................49

Adventurous................Slept with everyone

Athletic..........................No tits

Average looking.............Ugly

Beautiful.......................Pathological liar

Contagious Smile..........Does a lot of pills

Emotionally Secure.......On medication

Feminist........................Fat

Free spirit......................Junkie

Friendship first..............Former slut

Fun.................................Annoying

New-Age.....................Body hair in the wrong places

Old-fashioned................No BJs

Open-minded.................Desperate

Outgoing.....................Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate.....................Sloppy drunk

Professional....................Bitch

Voluptuous.................Very Fat

Large frame....................Hugely Fat

Wants Soul mate............Stalker


MEN'S ADS
==========
40-ish................ 52 and looking for 25-yr-old

Athletic.............. Watches a lot of NASCAR

Average looking....... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back

Educated.............. Will patronize the **** out of you

Free Spirit........... Banging your sister

Friendship first...... As long as friendship involves nookie

Fun................... Good with a remote and a six pack

Good looking.......... Arrogant

Very good looking..... Dumb as a board

Honest................ Pathological Liar

Huggable.............. Overweight, more body hair than a bear

Likes to cuddle....... Insecure mama's boy

Mature................ Older than your father

Open-minded........... Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not
interested

Physically fit........ Does a lot of 12-ounce curls

Poet.................. Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall

Sensitive............. Cries at chick flicks

Very sensitive........ Gay

Spiritual............. Got laid in a cemetery once

Stable................ Arrested for stalking, but not convicted

Thoughtful............ Says "Excuse me" when he farts